So close yet so far
Sunday, February 23, 2014 @ 9:12 AM with
Over thinking is ridiculous.
You make things seem worse than they really are.
You think you're losing things even though they may not have moved at all.
You start believing that it's true.
But it's hard not to.
When it's past midnight
When you've reached the end of the day
When you're unsure of how things are going to work out
When you don't know what you're going to do if it doesn't
And you don't ever want to find out.
I don't want to.
I can't bear to.
Just one more day.
Come on Carissa. You can do this.
Focus.
xx,
Post title.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014 @ 1:27 AM with
Then I realise, that's because it's not a feeling I'm trying to describe.
xx,
Tuesday, January 7, 2014 @ 8:14 AM with
So Leann and I were talking and we decided, WHY NOT ANOTHER QUIZ, plus this blog could use an update anw. But this post is like, one day late, because i am a potato sack and I fell asleep. HAHA. Anyways, okay! Let's go.
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
I quote Leanna in saying "are we in primary school" (or maybe it's so I can avoid the question. Smirky face.)
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Definitely outgoing. Lol.
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Anyone from my inner circle of friends.
4. Are you easy to get along with?
I would think so.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
LOL. I'd probably never drink enough to get drunk TBH. Like. I don't like be taste of alcohol.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
People who I can hold good conversation with, very attractive. Doesn't have to be romantically attracted, but just attractive even as friends.
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Nah.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
LOL. Not you. (Assuming you're a different gender from me)
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Well. I wouldn't want to know in detail who you had sex with or what you did while having sex, but generally I'm not uncomfortable with that topic.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I had a convo with a friend about the identity of self and authorship and social scripts (it was a discussion for my soci mod and I also have an upcoming text. Wonderful)
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
"back already. ._."
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Oh gosh. Ummmmm. I haven't had a new song that I liked in 5ever so:
1. Give me Faith - Elevation Worship
2. ImsorrybutimgoingtosayperfectbyoneDBecauseitssocatchy
3. Fix You - Coldplay (all time fave song)
4. Style - Tswift
5. Like I'm gonna lose you - The all about that bass person and the all of me person. Both also wrote songs about 'all'. Cool.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
I don't /like/ it, but if you can make my hair look nice, then sure. Oh. But I have a thing where kids who wanna play with my hair have to wash their hands first. Lol.
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Luck, no. Miracles, yes.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
It's literally always summer here. So like....yeah.
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes. (Question is, who WAS the last person I kissed. Smirky face)
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Bacteria? Lol. But nah. I don't think there are aliens.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
HAHAHA. We had a convo a few months ago. Or like. Last year. So. Yeah. I recently reconnected with him. LOL.
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Everyone loves bubble baths. Unless cats maybe. Or if you have hydrophobia. Then how do you bathe.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Yes. They are nice.
21. What are you bad habits?
I am a procrastination station.
22. Where would you like to travel?
USA SALTLAKE CITY TO SEE EAST HIGH AND TRY IN AND OUT BURGER.
23. Do you have trust issues?
I don't trust anyone and I don't see it as an issue. (LOL. nah. Not really I think. It takes a while to get my trust and so far those I've given it to have been very nice with it)
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Eating.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
lol. Ummm. Legs.
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Depends on what time is, but I usually just ask myself "why", as in "why do I have to be awake at this unearthly hour."
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
I wish I could get tan. Lol
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
The inner circle peeps (refer to previous blog posts)
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
they had better regret if they gonna break up with me. ONLY I BREAK UP WITH THEM. (Never had an "ex" had "ex"-ams. Ahahaha I am so funny)
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Yeah sure.
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Yeah. It is. A miniature pony maybe.
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
HAHAH. none. Not into threesomes thanks.
33. Spell your name with your chin.
Arftir (it's a phone keypad like. What even do u think my chin is a finger)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
I run
Away from my responsibilities.
But other than that, no.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Tv...cuz I'm done with mentalist. So.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
LOL. yes.
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Bye. (Lol no. I am good with saving awkward silences)
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Also in previous blog post. But. Tall dark and handsome. Also dimples. Thanks.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
F21, H&M, Cotton On, Giant. (bc food) (all window shopping tho, because I'm broke) oh and omg. Any place that sells sushi. 70% of my money is on sushi TBH.
40. What do you want to do after high school?
HAHAHA. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL WHO SAYS WE HAVE TO LET IT GO. (This is evidently how old I must be to do this kind of quiz)
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Sure. But who says I'm going to give it to them because they do. >:3
42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?
I'm asleep or dead.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Sometimes.
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Bottom of the ocean!
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Responsibilities and my alarm.
46. What are you paranoid about?
Ummm. Idk. If HSM 4 will be nice?
47. Have you ever been high?
I'm high on adrinaline all the time.
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Nope.
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
God knows everything.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Ox blood red #pretentious
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yes.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
I wish I had perfect beautiful teeth and I could go be toothpaste commercial model.
53. Favourite makeup brand?
Don't wear makeup
54. Favourite store?
Did you ask this before.
55. Favourite blog?
Mine. And occasionally Leanna's
56. Favourite Colour?
Red!
57. Favourite food?
SUSHI
58. Last thing you ate?
KFC Eggtart. Yum.
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Cereal! With soy milk. Yum.
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Um...not that I can remember.
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Nah. I too guai already.
62. Been arrested? For what?
Stealing hearts. (Nah)
63. Ever been in love?
Sure.
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
No.
(It was probably my parents. But if you were looking for some juicy make out story starring me and a guy, it's never happened)
65. Are you hungry right now?
Kind of. I had an egg tart.
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
Do I have real friends, that is the true question.
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook. (although Leanna's Twitter is so interesting)
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr (Leanna you should link your Twitter to your tumblr.)
69. Are you watching tv right now?
No.
70. Names of your bestfriends?
The inner circle peeps. They know who they are.
71. Craving something? What?
Love. No, it's Sushi.
72. What colour are your towels?
White but like my hair stained it red so, white with red spots that aren't period.
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Two!
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yes. Haha.
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
A lot. But on my bed like...3?
75. Favourite animal?
Barn owl!
76. What colour is your underwear?
Underwear Colour.
77. Chocolate or Vanilla
Chocolate!!
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Omg. Ummm. Strawberry cheesecake!
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
White. Always white.
80. What colour pants?
Blue
81. Favourite tv show?
Mentalist
82. Favourite movie?
Tangled.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Didn't watch mean girls 2, so, 1.
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Mmmm. Both about the same.
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Glenn Coco
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Mm. The "WAKE UP FISHY" girl.
87. First person you talked to today?
Leanna. Because I fell asleep instead of doing the quiz. HAHAHA.
88. Last person you talked to today?
Day's not over.
89. Name a person you hate?
Hate is a waste of time.
90.Name a person you love?
So is love.
HAHA. no. Love is good.
Um. Mummy.
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Nah.
92. In a fight with someone?
It's resolved.
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
1?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
2/3
95. Last movie you watched?
"The Finest Hours".
96. Favourite actress?
Don't have one. (ALSO, BOOO SEXIST LANGUGE lol)
97. Favourite actor?
Don't have one.
98. Do you tan a lot?
No. Can't get tan.
99. Have any pets?
I have a bunny, hamster and kitty.
100. How are you feeling?
Sleepy.
101. Do you type fast?
Quite.
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Yes.
103. Can you spell well?
Noh.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Not a lot?
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No.
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Oops?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes!
108. What should you be doing?
My work. Always my work.
109. Is something irritating you right now?
The amount of work I have to do.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Lol. Yes.
111. Do you have trust issues?
It seems like you do, since you asked me twice.
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
A stranger. Who I hope I never see again.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Sotong. Lol.
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yes.
115. Do you play the Wii?
Used to.
116. Are you listening to music right now?
Nope.
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Sure.
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Mmmm. I'm okay with it.
119. Favourite book?
Bible. Lol.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
A little.
121. Are you mean?
Im literally the nicest person ever.
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Nope. Break up instead of cheating. Or if it's a test, just fail it. Lol. Ohhh. But I realize game hacks...so...hmmm.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
I can't keep anything white clean.
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Attraction, yes. Love, no.
125. Do you believe in true love?
Sure.
126. Are you currently bored?
Evidently.
127. What makes you happy?
Sushi.
128. Would you change your name?
Nah...
129. What your zodiac sign?
Apparently Capricon.
130. Do you like subway?
Sure.
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
"Good for you."
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Omg. These repeated questions need to stop.
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will
134. Can you count to one million?
Probably not.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
"It was an allergic reaction" LOL.
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Closed. Oh look. Guess I do have trust issues.
137. How tall are you?
170cm. Yay
138. Curly or Straight hair?
Wavy?
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Blond. Then I can keep my hair pastel colours etc.
140. Summer or Winter?
Winter I guess.
141. Night or Day?
Night!
142. Favourite month?
January...? Or maybe December.
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope. Could never be one I think.
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Hmmmm. I used to like milk, but now I'm starting to like dark chocolate.
145. Tea or Coffee?
Tea!
146. Was today a good day?
It was....alright.
147. Mars or Snickers?
Mars.
148. What’s your favourite quote?
"And I was like /points aggressively at my neck/"
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Nope.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
"About half of these remarriages will result in divorce in about two to three years (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
What a positive note to end it on. HAHAHA.
Okay. Hope you enjoyed finding out unesessary things with me.
xx,
Twentyfourteen.
Sunday, January 5, 2014 @ 10:41 AM with
Hi. Here's a bigass photo of me, and Astraeus on my shoulder to start my first blog post of the year.
I think I've said in a lot of different places what 2013 was to be. To be honest it wasn't a very outstanding year although some of my most outstanding moments are from this year.
Other than me realizing a lot of things, 2013 is actually the year where I felt the least and the most at the same time.
(Lol. This can be seen two ways. Me trying to be deep and philosophical or me being confused and bipolar)
So what do I mean?
At any point in time throughout 2013, I either felt really confused, really contented or really loved.
Up to this my point in life, I've never experienced being so confused about many things.
About why certain things happen to me. About why I feel so insecure sometimes. What I really wanted and why God wanted to take them away from me. Why God wanted to take Patches away from me this year. Why I was feeling what I did, and if it was right
This however, followed, thankfully by God's grace, by me being contented. Contented with what course I was in, the presence of people around me, no matter how short or limited it may be. Contented with me just waking up and being alive another day.
This year however, was also the year I felt the most loved. I realised how much my parents have sacrificed for me and how thankful I am for that. It's really not easy living with me 24/7 for so many years and I'm so thankful for their tolerance for me. I also feel that my brother's relationship and mine has gotten better in a strange way. haha.
There are lots of other moments where I felt really loved. It's 2013 that I truly understood what it meant to feel loved, to want to love someone, and how amazing it is.
"Love isn't a feeling"
That was always head knowledge for me until 2013.
It's not the love that sustains the promise, it's the promise that sustains the love.
I really can't explain it all here because it'll get too cheesy and embarrassing so...yeah...I won't.
(Hi Leanna. I know you're reading this too. Yes I love you too.)
I wish everyone could fall in love at least once, because it's seriously one of the most amazing things in the world.
I foresee 2014 being one of the toughest years yet, but I can't give up, and I won't because there's so so so much for me in the future and exciting years ahead which I want to live and experience, and also, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
xx,
11/12/13
Thursday, December 12, 2013 @ 8:10 AM with
I have no idea how I am still awake even though I only had 3 hours of sleep last night.
These few days have been pretty crazy.
For one, I finally submitted my white paper, am this close to finishing my IDT and managed to actually draw something for my P4. (Thank God.)
Today our entire class literally got shot by our lecturers on our stuff. ):
Except for a few expected students. So. Yeah.
I'm still really stuck on this whole project and everything. I don't really know what to do. My holidays are a short 2 weeks and like ugh. ):
But it's ok. I'm gonna look at the positive side for now.
So, on to exciting things like,MY BEST FRENEMY FOREVER JUST GOT ATTACHEDDD~. Oh yeah. (: so happy for the both of them.
I always knew that he had a sweet side behind all that stupidness, childishness and seeming heartlessness.
And now we finally see it. (: or at least Sophia is seeing the full extent of it. Haha.
I love it when that happens, when you see someone discover new sides of them you never imagined or even the person never knew existed within themselves.
I love watching people finding love. It's so exciting. So so very exciting. (:
Like. Seeing two people become closer and closer and finally admitting that they care for each other more than friends, it's really cute. (:
Last Long SN2. /hundreds of heartshapes/
Ok. I'm starting to feel sleepy already. Hahaha.
I don't know how to end this so,
Here. Have a selfie of me and my sleepy face. Haha.
Overthinking kills.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013 @ 6:20 AM with
Trusting someone is scary stuff.
Because you don't know how genuine they are.
It's scary because if you trust someone and you find out that it's all a lie, that they were gossiping behind your back, that there were things about you which they actually find irritating and annoying but pretended to like, that at the back if their mind they smirked at your flaws which you genuinely thought they accepted. When you find out all the moments you spent together were forced out of a motive, be it to their gain or out of pity.
I'm not saying this because I have done it before. But I've seen this happening to others around me. Where they gossip about each other and yet act so openly and friendly around that person.
And some days, you just can't imagine how anyone can accept you for who you are.
I hate being insecure. It kills you and the relationships around you.
Insecurity forces you to have the second thought before starting that conversation.
Before opening up. It forces you to doubt the most innocent intentions. It causes you to overthink.
I'm just scared ok? I'm just scared of getting hurt by people who mean the world to me. By people who give me happiness, but afraid that I can't give that back to them, even worse am causing them the exact opposite. I'm scared of finding out that what causes the happiness was all a lie. The people I love and treasure are all just. Not really there. That it's all a mask.
I'm sorry. I'm just really overwhelmed by emotions now. It's been a long day and hormones are high. I've been seeing too many of these kind of things and I'm just tired.
And I'm sorry if you feel like this post refers to you, because this really isn't to anyone in particular.
I honestly do treasure each and every relationship I have, and I hope you believe that.
xx,
3 more days.
Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 11:40 AM with
Hello Lovlies!
So YES, I know I was suppose to post and blog about my outings during the holidays which I should have plenty of time to do, but I'm sorry, I just haven't had the discipline to sit down and do a proper post. And technically, I shouldn't be using time now because I actually am having a high fever now but amazingly I am still slightly awake.
First of all, let's do a short sum up of the people I went out with this holiday ok?
Went Strictly with my favorite weird besf.
Finally met up with "my" two dudes after forever.
And I met Nela from Designeros!! (:
Then I went to USS with JANJAN!!!! <3 OMG best outing to USS ever. Tried so many rides. Haha. Transformers was the best I think.
Oh. And we had yoghurt. (:
Then I spent the day with my xiaogu. ;3 family dates are always fun.
And then I met up with Leann went to a Japanese Buffet!!! My stomach wasn't feeling too well today. And I wasn't able to eat a lot. ): but it was still fun going out with her. :3
Yupp, told you it was going to be short. haha. It's crazy la. Like. close to 2 months and I only met up with a few groups of people. What even right..
I really wanted to go to my class chalet too, but I came down with a really high fever of 38.7. Ugh. No wonder I wanted to die otw back.
But yeah.
Secondly, I was actually looking around in my lappy for a bunch of questions/quizzes that I saved somewhere.But in the end I just found certain convos from the past which I saved and it made me really sad. ):
So I think it's safer to search for some in my Handphone.
I found a 40 questions thing which seems really interesting and so yupp. Read on for more facts you may or may not already know.
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
Oh my gosh I have so many movies that I love. But they are all DIsney movies though. And they all have that small romantic element in it because I'm a hopeless romantic that way.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
It hasn't happened yet. But I'm sure when it does (if it does. LOL.), it's gonna be perfect and well worth waiting for. (:
3: Talk about the person for which you've had the most intense romantic feelings.
Haha. Gosh. This is such a horrible question to answer in public like that because like. I can't say everything or people's impression of me will change completely because I will go all hardcore cheesy.
But um. I know for sure that love isn't a feeling. And so I assume romantic feelings is like. Those butterflies in your stomach, or just smiling uncontrollably when you're with the person or even just when he starts the conversation first. So um. To talk about that person.
Idk. I'm just so thankful for him and I'm the happiest when I'm with him.
I saw this quote. and I edited certain parts which I disagreed with but this is generally what I hope to have. Of cuz there's other stuff. But. Yeah.
“How To Tell If Somebody Loves You:
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given time. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”
- Ryan O’Connell
Yeah.
With him. I feel loved.
And I don't really know what else anyone could ask for. (:
And I really hope this lasts.
I'm praying it does.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
I did a post on that before. So i shan't answer it again.
5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
I actually cannot remember any worst or best birthdays because each birthday is usually a great one. (:
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
Wow. Um.
The first thing that came to mind was my physical body. My legs and arms and eyebags and everything. But I think that it's not my biggest. My biggest insecurity is the fact that i may be replaced and I'm just not good enough for anyone to want around for a long time. And that there are so many people who are more interesting and beautiful and better this me, less broken, more confident. And that how my insecurity may come across as clingy not just in terms of boy girl relationships but friendships too. It's tiring being around insecure people. I understand that. But i don't want to be the one who people just give up on because it's too tiring to keep reassuring them. I tend to overthink about not being good enough for people to want around and I'm just really clingy. ):
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
I got over my irritation of crying babies on the bus. I'm SO proud of myself for that.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
Haha. This is pretty hard.
Mm. I like how my eyes are brown. And the matching mole I have with my brother. How my top row of teeth are rather straight and most importantly, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made by God. (And that's not really a little thing.)
10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
I don't really remember stuff like that. But it's probably with my mum. Haha.
11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Oh oh. I had those. Continuation dreams kinda thing. And I was on an adventure and there were all the people I loved. That was a really good dream.
12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
Idk. Probably something disgusting or about someone dying. I still remember this nightmare I had when I was 4/5. Where my hamster was on a speedboat with me and it fell off and drowned and then a lot of other people on the boat died. And then my parents fell off too. Then I woke up crying. Lol.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex.
It'll be after marriage.
14: Talk about a vacation.
I went to New Zealand and it was a really fun vacation and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (: (also because the guy I had a crush on at that time was there with me and like omg I got to stay with him under the same roof for 2 weeks. Haha!!!)
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
2012. Where I learn the most about myself, about God, what it meant to be broken, what it meant to be happy, what it meant to be sad, what it meant to persevere. What it meant to think you were in love, and what it meant to realise that sometimes the people who love you most were beside you all along and there really wasn't a need to look further.
16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
I don't go to parties much so like. I can't answer this. Though there were a few parties like the ones by YanYi.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
Ryan Higa. He seems like a really nice and genuine person and someone who's just really quirky and fun to be around. Omg. And Bethany Mota. She seems like the sweetest person ever. Id love to be friends with her.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
I got closer to three of the most important people in my life, Leanna, Celia and Janelle.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
This is secondary school right? I was depressed and stuff and I did majority of the things which I regretted during this period. Basically a period of my life id like to forget. But it was also during this time that I met more really important people in my life and because of that, I would go through it all over again. (:
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
I found out what it meant to belong and bond to a class.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
Can I not. ):
22: Talk about your worst fear.
Being replaced. As seen above.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
Um...during a audition? Haha. Oh. Or during that period where I applied so many times to try and get into vet. :/
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
There are so many. Like. Literally so many from so many different people. I can't just choose one. But I'll show you a screenshot of one.
(: I still smile and get that warm fuzzy feeling each time I read it. Haha. And there's all those other ones which are in letters and stuff which if I take a picture of id have to blank out the whole thing.
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
):
26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
Sleep. Eat. Get really clingy and needy. Haha. Not good.
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
I think dimples are adorable.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
HAHA NOH.
29: Talk about what turns you on.
A genuine smile, nice voice, and if you handle animals well. And if you can sing and play the guitar. If you're nice to me and get my jokes and if you're funny. And like. I always found something extremely attractive about guys who enjoy serving God.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
People who swear a lot and are proud. Like. No. Stay away from me.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
Depends on where you're going after.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
Escape theme park! Used to go there a lot.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
Cry. And eat chocolate and ice creams and then I feel guilty and cry somemore and then I play the guitar and then I find someone like my mum to cuddle and cry until I feel better. Haha.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
My liquid nitrogen treatment for the warts under my foot. ):
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
Lying.
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
Um. Splurging on expensive fattening food.
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
It made me realise what I should look out for and avoid in a future partner, so I'm still glad I met him.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
A lot leh. Haha. I can't think of any at the moment.
39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
That I didn't need to worry so much about a lot of things that I did.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
Ummm. End of secondary school. It was a bitter sweet moment.
Yupp! That's about it I think. Haha.
I'm gonna go get some rest now. My headache is coming back. Hopefully I get better soon.
Take care lovelies. Blog again soon!
xx,
So close yet so far
Sunday, February 23, 2014 @ 9:12 AM with
Over thinking is ridiculous.
You make things seem worse than they really are.
You think you're losing things even though they may not have moved at all.
You start believing that it's true.
But it's hard not to.
When it's past midnight
When you've reached the end of the day
When you're unsure of how things are going to work out
When you don't know what you're going to do if it doesn't
And you don't ever want to find out.
I don't want to.
I can't bear to.
Just one more day.
Come on Carissa. You can do this.
Focus.
xx,
Post title.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014 @ 1:27 AM with
Then I realise, that's because it's not a feeling I'm trying to describe.
xx,
Tuesday, January 7, 2014 @ 8:14 AM with
So Leann and I were talking and we decided, WHY NOT ANOTHER QUIZ, plus this blog could use an update anw. But this post is like, one day late, because i am a potato sack and I fell asleep. HAHA. Anyways, okay! Let's go.
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
I quote Leanna in saying "are we in primary school" (or maybe it's so I can avoid the question. Smirky face.)
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Definitely outgoing. Lol.
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Anyone from my inner circle of friends.
4. Are you easy to get along with?
I would think so.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
LOL. I'd probably never drink enough to get drunk TBH. Like. I don't like be taste of alcohol.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
People who I can hold good conversation with, very attractive. Doesn't have to be romantically attracted, but just attractive even as friends.
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Nah.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
LOL. Not you. (Assuming you're a different gender from me)
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Well. I wouldn't want to know in detail who you had sex with or what you did while having sex, but generally I'm not uncomfortable with that topic.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I had a convo with a friend about the identity of self and authorship and social scripts (it was a discussion for my soci mod and I also have an upcoming text. Wonderful)
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
"back already. ._."
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Oh gosh. Ummmmm. I haven't had a new song that I liked in 5ever so:
1. Give me Faith - Elevation Worship
2. ImsorrybutimgoingtosayperfectbyoneDBecauseitssocatchy
3. Fix You - Coldplay (all time fave song)
4. Style - Tswift
5. Like I'm gonna lose you - The all about that bass person and the all of me person. Both also wrote songs about 'all'. Cool.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
I don't /like/ it, but if you can make my hair look nice, then sure. Oh. But I have a thing where kids who wanna play with my hair have to wash their hands first. Lol.
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Luck, no. Miracles, yes.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
It's literally always summer here. So like....yeah.
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes. (Question is, who WAS the last person I kissed. Smirky face)
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Bacteria? Lol. But nah. I don't think there are aliens.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
HAHAHA. We had a convo a few months ago. Or like. Last year. So. Yeah. I recently reconnected with him. LOL.
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Everyone loves bubble baths. Unless cats maybe. Or if you have hydrophobia. Then how do you bathe.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Yes. They are nice.
21. What are you bad habits?
I am a procrastination station.
22. Where would you like to travel?
USA SALTLAKE CITY TO SEE EAST HIGH AND TRY IN AND OUT BURGER.
23. Do you have trust issues?
I don't trust anyone and I don't see it as an issue. (LOL. nah. Not really I think. It takes a while to get my trust and so far those I've given it to have been very nice with it)
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Eating.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
lol. Ummm. Legs.
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Depends on what time is, but I usually just ask myself "why", as in "why do I have to be awake at this unearthly hour."
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
I wish I could get tan. Lol
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
The inner circle peeps (refer to previous blog posts)
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
they had better regret if they gonna break up with me. ONLY I BREAK UP WITH THEM. (Never had an "ex" had "ex"-ams. Ahahaha I am so funny)
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Yeah sure.
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Yeah. It is. A miniature pony maybe.
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
HAHAH. none. Not into threesomes thanks.
33. Spell your name with your chin.
Arftir (it's a phone keypad like. What even do u think my chin is a finger)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
I run
Away from my responsibilities.
But other than that, no.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Tv...cuz I'm done with mentalist. So.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
LOL. yes.
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Bye. (Lol no. I am good with saving awkward silences)
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Also in previous blog post. But. Tall dark and handsome. Also dimples. Thanks.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
F21, H&M, Cotton On, Giant. (bc food) (all window shopping tho, because I'm broke) oh and omg. Any place that sells sushi. 70% of my money is on sushi TBH.
40. What do you want to do after high school?
HAHAHA. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL WHO SAYS WE HAVE TO LET IT GO. (This is evidently how old I must be to do this kind of quiz)
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Sure. But who says I'm going to give it to them because they do. >:3
42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?
I'm asleep or dead.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Sometimes.
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Bottom of the ocean!
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Responsibilities and my alarm.
46. What are you paranoid about?
Ummm. Idk. If HSM 4 will be nice?
47. Have you ever been high?
I'm high on adrinaline all the time.
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Nope.
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
God knows everything.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Ox blood red #pretentious
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yes.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
I wish I had perfect beautiful teeth and I could go be toothpaste commercial model.
53. Favourite makeup brand?
Don't wear makeup
54. Favourite store?
Did you ask this before.
55. Favourite blog?
Mine. And occasionally Leanna's
56. Favourite Colour?
Red!
57. Favourite food?
SUSHI
58. Last thing you ate?
KFC Eggtart. Yum.
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Cereal! With soy milk. Yum.
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Um...not that I can remember.
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Nah. I too guai already.
62. Been arrested? For what?
Stealing hearts. (Nah)
63. Ever been in love?
Sure.
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
No.
(It was probably my parents. But if you were looking for some juicy make out story starring me and a guy, it's never happened)
65. Are you hungry right now?
Kind of. I had an egg tart.
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
Do I have real friends, that is the true question.
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook. (although Leanna's Twitter is so interesting)
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr (Leanna you should link your Twitter to your tumblr.)
69. Are you watching tv right now?
No.
70. Names of your bestfriends?
The inner circle peeps. They know who they are.
71. Craving something? What?
Love. No, it's Sushi.
72. What colour are your towels?
White but like my hair stained it red so, white with red spots that aren't period.
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Two!
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yes. Haha.
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
A lot. But on my bed like...3?
75. Favourite animal?
Barn owl!
76. What colour is your underwear?
Underwear Colour.
77. Chocolate or Vanilla
Chocolate!!
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Omg. Ummm. Strawberry cheesecake!
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
White. Always white.
80. What colour pants?
Blue
81. Favourite tv show?
Mentalist
82. Favourite movie?
Tangled.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Didn't watch mean girls 2, so, 1.
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Mmmm. Both about the same.
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Glenn Coco
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Mm. The "WAKE UP FISHY" girl.
87. First person you talked to today?
Leanna. Because I fell asleep instead of doing the quiz. HAHAHA.
88. Last person you talked to today?
Day's not over.
89. Name a person you hate?
Hate is a waste of time.
90.Name a person you love?
So is love.
HAHA. no. Love is good.
Um. Mummy.
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Nah.
92. In a fight with someone?
It's resolved.
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
1?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
2/3
95. Last movie you watched?
"The Finest Hours".
96. Favourite actress?
Don't have one. (ALSO, BOOO SEXIST LANGUGE lol)
97. Favourite actor?
Don't have one.
98. Do you tan a lot?
No. Can't get tan.
99. Have any pets?
I have a bunny, hamster and kitty.
100. How are you feeling?
Sleepy.
101. Do you type fast?
Quite.
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Yes.
103. Can you spell well?
Noh.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Not a lot?
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No.
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Oops?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes!
108. What should you be doing?
My work. Always my work.
109. Is something irritating you right now?
The amount of work I have to do.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Lol. Yes.
111. Do you have trust issues?
It seems like you do, since you asked me twice.
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
A stranger. Who I hope I never see again.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Sotong. Lol.
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yes.
115. Do you play the Wii?
Used to.
116. Are you listening to music right now?
Nope.
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Sure.
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Mmmm. I'm okay with it.
119. Favourite book?
Bible. Lol.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
A little.
121. Are you mean?
Im literally the nicest person ever.
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Nope. Break up instead of cheating. Or if it's a test, just fail it. Lol. Ohhh. But I realize game hacks...so...hmmm.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
I can't keep anything white clean.
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Attraction, yes. Love, no.
125. Do you believe in true love?
Sure.
126. Are you currently bored?
Evidently.
127. What makes you happy?
Sushi.
128. Would you change your name?
Nah...
129. What your zodiac sign?
Apparently Capricon.
130. Do you like subway?
Sure.
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
"Good for you."
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Omg. These repeated questions need to stop.
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will
134. Can you count to one million?
Probably not.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
"It was an allergic reaction" LOL.
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Closed. Oh look. Guess I do have trust issues.
137. How tall are you?
170cm. Yay
138. Curly or Straight hair?
Wavy?
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Blond. Then I can keep my hair pastel colours etc.
140. Summer or Winter?
Winter I guess.
141. Night or Day?
Night!
142. Favourite month?
January...? Or maybe December.
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope. Could never be one I think.
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Hmmmm. I used to like milk, but now I'm starting to like dark chocolate.
145. Tea or Coffee?
Tea!
146. Was today a good day?
It was....alright.
147. Mars or Snickers?
Mars.
148. What’s your favourite quote?
"And I was like /points aggressively at my neck/"
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Nope.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
"About half of these remarriages will result in divorce in about two to three years (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
What a positive note to end it on. HAHAHA.
Okay. Hope you enjoyed finding out unesessary things with me.
xx,
Twentyfourteen.
Sunday, January 5, 2014 @ 10:41 AM with
Hi. Here's a bigass photo of me, and Astraeus on my shoulder to start my first blog post of the year.
I think I've said in a lot of different places what 2013 was to be. To be honest it wasn't a very outstanding year although some of my most outstanding moments are from this year.
Other than me realizing a lot of things, 2013 is actually the year where I felt the least and the most at the same time.
(Lol. This can be seen two ways. Me trying to be deep and philosophical or me being confused and bipolar)
So what do I mean?
At any point in time throughout 2013, I either felt really confused, really contented or really loved.
Up to this my point in life, I've never experienced being so confused about many things.
About why certain things happen to me. About why I feel so insecure sometimes. What I really wanted and why God wanted to take them away from me. Why God wanted to take Patches away from me this year. Why I was feeling what I did, and if it was right
This however, followed, thankfully by God's grace, by me being contented. Contented with what course I was in, the presence of people around me, no matter how short or limited it may be. Contented with me just waking up and being alive another day.
This year however, was also the year I felt the most loved. I realised how much my parents have sacrificed for me and how thankful I am for that. It's really not easy living with me 24/7 for so many years and I'm so thankful for their tolerance for me. I also feel that my brother's relationship and mine has gotten better in a strange way. haha.
There are lots of other moments where I felt really loved. It's 2013 that I truly understood what it meant to feel loved, to want to love someone, and how amazing it is.
"Love isn't a feeling"
That was always head knowledge for me until 2013.
It's not the love that sustains the promise, it's the promise that sustains the love.
I really can't explain it all here because it'll get too cheesy and embarrassing so...yeah...I won't.
(Hi Leanna. I know you're reading this too. Yes I love you too.)
I wish everyone could fall in love at least once, because it's seriously one of the most amazing things in the world.
I foresee 2014 being one of the toughest years yet, but I can't give up, and I won't because there's so so so much for me in the future and exciting years ahead which I want to live and experience, and also, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
xx,
11/12/13
Thursday, December 12, 2013 @ 8:10 AM with
I have no idea how I am still awake even though I only had 3 hours of sleep last night.
These few days have been pretty crazy.
For one, I finally submitted my white paper, am this close to finishing my IDT and managed to actually draw something for my P4. (Thank God.)
Today our entire class literally got shot by our lecturers on our stuff. ):
Except for a few expected students. So. Yeah.
I'm still really stuck on this whole project and everything. I don't really know what to do. My holidays are a short 2 weeks and like ugh. ):
But it's ok. I'm gonna look at the positive side for now.
So, on to exciting things like,MY BEST FRENEMY FOREVER JUST GOT ATTACHEDDD~. Oh yeah. (: so happy for the both of them.
I always knew that he had a sweet side behind all that stupidness, childishness and seeming heartlessness.
And now we finally see it. (: or at least Sophia is seeing the full extent of it. Haha.
I love it when that happens, when you see someone discover new sides of them you never imagined or even the person never knew existed within themselves.
I love watching people finding love. It's so exciting. So so very exciting. (:
Like. Seeing two people become closer and closer and finally admitting that they care for each other more than friends, it's really cute. (:
Last Long SN2. /hundreds of heartshapes/
Ok. I'm starting to feel sleepy already. Hahaha.
I don't know how to end this so,
Here. Have a selfie of me and my sleepy face. Haha.
Overthinking kills.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013 @ 6:20 AM with
Trusting someone is scary stuff.
Because you don't know how genuine they are.
It's scary because if you trust someone and you find out that it's all a lie, that they were gossiping behind your back, that there were things about you which they actually find irritating and annoying but pretended to like, that at the back if their mind they smirked at your flaws which you genuinely thought they accepted. When you find out all the moments you spent together were forced out of a motive, be it to their gain or out of pity.
I'm not saying this because I have done it before. But I've seen this happening to others around me. Where they gossip about each other and yet act so openly and friendly around that person.
And some days, you just can't imagine how anyone can accept you for who you are.
I hate being insecure. It kills you and the relationships around you.
Insecurity forces you to have the second thought before starting that conversation.
Before opening up. It forces you to doubt the most innocent intentions. It causes you to overthink.
I'm just scared ok? I'm just scared of getting hurt by people who mean the world to me. By people who give me happiness, but afraid that I can't give that back to them, even worse am causing them the exact opposite. I'm scared of finding out that what causes the happiness was all a lie. The people I love and treasure are all just. Not really there. That it's all a mask.
I'm sorry. I'm just really overwhelmed by emotions now. It's been a long day and hormones are high. I've been seeing too many of these kind of things and I'm just tired.
And I'm sorry if you feel like this post refers to you, because this really isn't to anyone in particular.
I honestly do treasure each and every relationship I have, and I hope you believe that.
xx,
3 more days.
Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 11:40 AM with
Hello Lovlies!
So YES, I know I was suppose to post and blog about my outings during the holidays which I should have plenty of time to do, but I'm sorry, I just haven't had the discipline to sit down and do a proper post. And technically, I shouldn't be using time now because I actually am having a high fever now but amazingly I am still slightly awake.
First of all, let's do a short sum up of the people I went out with this holiday ok?
Went Strictly with my favorite weird besf.
Finally met up with "my" two dudes after forever.
And I met Nela from Designeros!! (:
Then I went to USS with JANJAN!!!! <3 OMG best outing to USS ever. Tried so many rides. Haha. Transformers was the best I think.
Oh. And we had yoghurt. (:
Then I spent the day with my xiaogu. ;3 family dates are always fun.
And then I met up with Leann went to a Japanese Buffet!!! My stomach wasn't feeling too well today. And I wasn't able to eat a lot. ): but it was still fun going out with her. :3
Yupp, told you it was going to be short. haha. It's crazy la. Like. close to 2 months and I only met up with a few groups of people. What even right..
I really wanted to go to my class chalet too, but I came down with a really high fever of 38.7. Ugh. No wonder I wanted to die otw back.
But yeah.
Secondly, I was actually looking around in my lappy for a bunch of questions/quizzes that I saved somewhere.But in the end I just found certain convos from the past which I saved and it made me really sad. ):
So I think it's safer to search for some in my Handphone.
I found a 40 questions thing which seems really interesting and so yupp. Read on for more facts you may or may not already know.
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
Oh my gosh I have so many movies that I love. But they are all DIsney movies though. And they all have that small romantic element in it because I'm a hopeless romantic that way.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
It hasn't happened yet. But I'm sure when it does (if it does. LOL.), it's gonna be perfect and well worth waiting for. (:
3: Talk about the person for which you've had the most intense romantic feelings.
Haha. Gosh. This is such a horrible question to answer in public like that because like. I can't say everything or people's impression of me will change completely because I will go all hardcore cheesy.
But um. I know for sure that love isn't a feeling. And so I assume romantic feelings is like. Those butterflies in your stomach, or just smiling uncontrollably when you're with the person or even just when he starts the conversation first. So um. To talk about that person.
Idk. I'm just so thankful for him and I'm the happiest when I'm with him.
I saw this quote. and I edited certain parts which I disagreed with but this is generally what I hope to have. Of cuz there's other stuff. But. Yeah.
“How To Tell If Somebody Loves You:
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given time. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”
- Ryan O’Connell
Yeah.
With him. I feel loved.
And I don't really know what else anyone could ask for. (:
And I really hope this lasts.
I'm praying it does.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
I did a post on that before. So i shan't answer it again.
5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
I actually cannot remember any worst or best birthdays because each birthday is usually a great one. (:
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
Wow. Um.
The first thing that came to mind was my physical body. My legs and arms and eyebags and everything. But I think that it's not my biggest. My biggest insecurity is the fact that i may be replaced and I'm just not good enough for anyone to want around for a long time. And that there are so many people who are more interesting and beautiful and better this me, less broken, more confident. And that how my insecurity may come across as clingy not just in terms of boy girl relationships but friendships too. It's tiring being around insecure people. I understand that. But i don't want to be the one who people just give up on because it's too tiring to keep reassuring them. I tend to overthink about not being good enough for people to want around and I'm just really clingy. ):
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
I got over my irritation of crying babies on the bus. I'm SO proud of myself for that.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
Haha. This is pretty hard.
Mm. I like how my eyes are brown. And the matching mole I have with my brother. How my top row of teeth are rather straight and most importantly, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made by God. (And that's not really a little thing.)
10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
I don't really remember stuff like that. But it's probably with my mum. Haha.
11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Oh oh. I had those. Continuation dreams kinda thing. And I was on an adventure and there were all the people I loved. That was a really good dream.
12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
Idk. Probably something disgusting or about someone dying. I still remember this nightmare I had when I was 4/5. Where my hamster was on a speedboat with me and it fell off and drowned and then a lot of other people on the boat died. And then my parents fell off too. Then I woke up crying. Lol.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex.
It'll be after marriage.
14: Talk about a vacation.
I went to New Zealand and it was a really fun vacation and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (: (also because the guy I had a crush on at that time was there with me and like omg I got to stay with him under the same roof for 2 weeks. Haha!!!)
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
2012. Where I learn the most about myself, about God, what it meant to be broken, what it meant to be happy, what it meant to be sad, what it meant to persevere. What it meant to think you were in love, and what it meant to realise that sometimes the people who love you most were beside you all along and there really wasn't a need to look further.
16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
I don't go to parties much so like. I can't answer this. Though there were a few parties like the ones by YanYi.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
Ryan Higa. He seems like a really nice and genuine person and someone who's just really quirky and fun to be around. Omg. And Bethany Mota. She seems like the sweetest person ever. Id love to be friends with her.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
I got closer to three of the most important people in my life, Leanna, Celia and Janelle.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
This is secondary school right? I was depressed and stuff and I did majority of the things which I regretted during this period. Basically a period of my life id like to forget. But it was also during this time that I met more really important people in my life and because of that, I would go through it all over again. (:
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
I found out what it meant to belong and bond to a class.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
Can I not. ):
22: Talk about your worst fear.
Being replaced. As seen above.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
Um...during a audition? Haha. Oh. Or during that period where I applied so many times to try and get into vet. :/
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
There are so many. Like. Literally so many from so many different people. I can't just choose one. But I'll show you a screenshot of one.
(: I still smile and get that warm fuzzy feeling each time I read it. Haha. And there's all those other ones which are in letters and stuff which if I take a picture of id have to blank out the whole thing.
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
):
26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
Sleep. Eat. Get really clingy and needy. Haha. Not good.
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
I think dimples are adorable.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
HAHA NOH.
29: Talk about what turns you on.
A genuine smile, nice voice, and if you handle animals well. And if you can sing and play the guitar. If you're nice to me and get my jokes and if you're funny. And like. I always found something extremely attractive about guys who enjoy serving God.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
People who swear a lot and are proud. Like. No. Stay away from me.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
Depends on where you're going after.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
Escape theme park! Used to go there a lot.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
Cry. And eat chocolate and ice creams and then I feel guilty and cry somemore and then I play the guitar and then I find someone like my mum to cuddle and cry until I feel better. Haha.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
My liquid nitrogen treatment for the warts under my foot. ):
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
Lying.
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
Um. Splurging on expensive fattening food.
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
It made me realise what I should look out for and avoid in a future partner, so I'm still glad I met him.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
A lot leh. Haha. I can't think of any at the moment.
39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
That I didn't need to worry so much about a lot of things that I did.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
Ummm. End of secondary school. It was a bitter sweet moment.
Yupp! That's about it I think. Haha.
I'm gonna go get some rest now. My headache is coming back. Hopefully I get better soon.
Take care lovelies. Blog again soon!
xx,
