Encountering God at #Creation15.
Sunday, July 19, 2015 @ 10:41 PM with
I believe I encountered God during WORD/Creation Rally 2015.
My first experience with Creation Rally was in 2013. As someone who connects with lyrics of songs and just loves music in general, I enjoyed all the songs that were sung,played and just the general atmosphere of worshipping God with many other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I told myself that I would be back for the next one for sure.
I'm not too sure why I didn't go for #Creation14, I didn't hear any news about it at all, but I was happy when I finally heard about Creation 15. I would finally get to go for hours of singing with cool music and dancing, PLUS, no 1 hour sermons!! (Yay!)
It also helped that the team for #Creation15 were great in building up the hype by organizing visits to the church, doing workshops like word X, plus as a design student, I could appreciate the typography and graphics on all the ads and slides which were #OnPOINT.
When the day of WORD came, I woke up and found myself in an great state of pain as my ongoing problem of chronic stomach pains came back to me, and my clumsy self seemed to have hit my head on the wall in the middle of my sleep. (I still don't know how it happened.) It was quite bad ; I couldn't walk properly and I was feeling nauseous the entire morning/afternoon. I was confined to my room, thus having to miss WORD usher duty, but by 5pm, I was able to stand and a (literally) hobbled to the bus stop and made my way to Calvary Baptist from the East. (Talk about walking the road to Calvary. Gosh, our God has a wonderful sense of humor. (: ) I just really didn't want to miss WORD.
The set started great, and I even managed to stand up for majority of the first set and briefly wave my hands around during the fast songs.
My encounter started during the message shared by Pastor Philip.
The parts of the message that spoke to me was:
1. Don't say you want the will of God, and then take one step back.
Sometimes the will of God starts speaking to you in an inaudible voice, and then as it slowly gets louder, you realize you can use the excuse of "I think I hear wrongly" because you aren't comfortable with what God is asking you to do. I found myself reflecting if I was reading the bible intentionally or if I was afraid to do so, in case I was going to hear God's instructions which I didn't want to follow. Was I going against what I said I wanted for my life?
2. God has a SPECIFIC design and purpose for you.
"I want you to circle the word SPECIFIC" said Pastor Philip.
At this point in my life where I've been sharing with multiple people how I am completely lost and without any confidence on my next milestone in life, I was reminded again that God made my exactly the way I was and gave me the exact talents and gifts he did, so that I could serve him TOTALLY.
"Talents and gifts will not make ANY spiritual impact" unless it is used for God. What kind of impact was I making? None at all? Temporary kinds of the world? Eternal ones for God's glory?
3. A person used by God puts God's call above self limitations.
I'm so thankful for this apt reminder because despite all my failings, disobedience, struggles and sins, God will decided to encourage me with this point and used it to remind me of His love for me. That despite my weakness, I could always find strength and refuge in him. I could approach him for forgiveness no matter how many times or how broken a state I am in each time.
"In my weaknesses you are my confidence" those were the lyrics that rang loud in my head as we got to the last few songs of the night. I am overwhelmed with the measure of God's grace, love and mercy for me that he would choose to remind me of his love in my time of need.
As we got to the alter call of the night, I told myself that I didn't want to go up, because early this year, I already rededicated my life and service for God. I told myself I didn't want to go up because I didn't want to "lose the meaning of rededication", when in actual fact, it was my pride stopping me from responding.
As Pastor Philip was calling for the different groups of people to step out, each time I would be like "nope. Not me not me not me." , "nope. I don't need to go up. I can pray it right here." And the best part was when Pastor added the last call along the lines of "for those who want to hear God's voice but you need to overcome a temptation. You need to guard your heart." By that moment, I was already in tears because of my conviction that it was exactly what I needed to confess and repent from, but I still refused to step out.
"That's not me. I'm not facing any temptation. If I step out, it means I'm admitting that my struggle is wrong. But it's not wrong! It's not me. He's talking about all those other people stepping out. You see? It can't be me."
But yet, finally, just as Pastor Philip was about to start praying, he gave the option to "raise your hands" as he prays if you need that prayer.
How amazing God's love, that he wants everyone to respond!
I saw that as my window of opportunity and took the physically tiniest step, but emotionally largest jump I have ever taken, from my seat, and raised my hand as high as it would go, without attracting any attention to myself, thus confessing that I was indeed one of the people that needed prayer.
I never went out on stage that night. My alter call happened right at my seat.
I was never comfortable with the phrase "encountering God". I've always been associating it with HUGE and dramatic events and large signs. I imagined encountering God as Him coming into my body and filling me with the spirit so I could miraculously understand Greek, finally pass my Chinese exams, or I would see visions and pictures of what my future would look like or I would hear God's voice "Carissa, you are going to marry ______. Go and find him now, he is in ________". I would be healed from my stomach ache, I would feel INVINCIBLE and SOAR on the wings of Eagles which were now my feet!
Yeah. But, none of that happened.
I left the church, stomach still uncomfortable, a clear reminder of how weak and helpless I was without God, but a renewed hope and call to obey and respond to God.
"A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17
My encounter with God was nothing like my expectations, but everything I needed to hear. God gave us the most powerful gift, of free will, and unless we put down our pride and respond in obedience, we can't blame God for not speaking to us.
I'm thankful for my experience in WORD, the promptings I received that night, the opportunites that came after so that I could apply what I said I would do, and most of all I'm thankful that I am on a journey and have a relationship, with a God such as mine.
xx,
Marathons.
Sunday, June 28, 2015 @ 10:29 AM with
ITS BEEN LIKE. MONTHS SINCE MY FYP WAS OVER AND GUESS WHO GRADUATED?? YAS ME. THANK YOU GOD.
Haha. Hello lovlies. I'm back. (:
Well. Not sure how long "me being back" will last, but I figured if I do get into the course I applied for, I'm going to have to do A LOT of brushing up on my writing. So I guess I should get to doing it now huh?
But then again, I do enjoy this space just being a place that I get to ramble and visualize my thoughts as and when I like.
It's been months since I graduated and as of then it's been a pretty eventful month of June. Well. Not exactly productive, but other than mission trips and family trips, the most recent thing I've been doing? Marathoning...White Collar.
The conclusion? The ending is good. I did spoil it for myself by skipping episodes and reading what happened in the end because I heard that the ending was the kind that I really dislike. But in the end it wasn't, so. Well. If I knew that, I would have watched it till the end. But Idefinitely recommend "White Collar" to anyone who wants a good crime series to watch (after Mentalist. It's still my fave.)
But seriously, after this whole series? My Matt Bomer obsession is back.
LIKE. CAN WE JUST.
I CANNOT. OK.
It's slightly better now that I've ended the series and I don't see his face for like more than 8 hours in a row being extremely attractive and intelligent and whatever. But still.
Fangirl moment over. I'm back.
I've also decided that I'm going to be putting more effort into my BTT. lol. It's been ages since I even bothered studying but I really wanna learn how to drive and I'm just going to have to find some motivation to study again, even if it's something as "simple" as BTT.
Yeahhh.
I'm going to end this whole post with a really short quiz. (:
1. Are you a very open or private person?
I'd like to think I'm a pretty open person and i enjoy having HTHTs with anyone I can talk to but that is in no way a measure of the closeness to the person. To (shamefully) quote thought catalogue, "the weirdest mix of super private and an open book that you'll ever meet."
2. What is your favourite Christmas movie?
I'm honestly not sure what counts as a Christmas movie and I don't think I have a favourite.
3. When did you stop believing in Santa?
I never did. Well. I did always know there was this Saint Nicholas or something but other than that, Singapore never had a roof for him to squeeze though and give me presents, so...
4. What do you get complimented on the most?
My friendliness probably.
5. How are you feeling right now?
Moderately sleepy. It's 230am.
6. If money was no object, where would you move to?
A bigger house with lots of animals and a swimming pool.
7. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Ummm. This is really irrelevant because I cry way too freaking easily. Probably someone I had a Htht with. I can't keep track.
8. Did you make any resolutions for this year? What were they?
Yes. To do 3 push ups. LOL. How embarrassing.
9. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
Errrrrr. Whatever song is the most relevant to me at that moment. A lot of songs have brought me to tears before.
10. Who was the last person you talked about sex with?
Probably Leanna. I can't rememeber.
11. How did you bring in the New Year?
This new year...was spent with my youth group. (:
12. Have you ever online dated?
Nope.
13. Post a screen shot of your Twitter “Interactions” page.
14. Click on the messages tab on Facebook, post a screen shot (erase surnames for safety).
15. Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page.
16. Do you believe in soul mates?
Following that definition, yes. I do.
17. Do you play video games?Yupps!
18. What age do people usually mistake you for?
Errrr. 22?
19. What or whom do you miss right now?
A lot of people. And also I miss eating good sushi. I really like sushi
20. What perfume do you wear?
I don't. I usually just shower and smell like Carissa. (I'm quoting friends) although sometimes I spray VS perfume on my clothes just so I can use it up but I don't wear it out.
Ok! Yay! End of quiz. Gonna sleep now.
Night lovelies!
xx,
2 more weeks.
Thursday, February 12, 2015 @ 9:14 AM with
Visualizing myself on the soft grass,
above me, the blue skySurrounded by flowers, the small soft ones that tickle your feet.
The smell of cookies. The smell of water. The smell of happiness.
Imagining myself submitting everything, ending that final presentation with a thank you.
I can finally breathe.
I am free.
xx,
Sunday, January 25, 2015 @ 11:36 AM with
Hello everyone, I haven't written in forever.
F Y P.
These three letters when put together has been something that I've never wanted and always wondered how I was going to face it.
I knew the minute I entered this course, that I would have to face it but it's crazy how fast time flies by, and before you know it, it's exactly a month to my submission.
I know God has seen me through these 2 years, and I still cling on to the belief that I was put here for a reason, and that one month more is more than possible for God to see me through, as is everything else.
But it's some nights like these where there's this feeling of like. Worry and maybe even helplessness just seem to overcalm me and I just feel so alone, empty and tired.
Don't get me wrong, I'm aware im not alone, I know that I have amazing people who would be there both physically and emotionally there for me in a heartbeat, I know that I shouldn't feel empty but idk. ): I don't know why I'm feeling this way. And I don't like it.
I guess. Maybe there's some hinderance or blockage that is stopping me. Or maybe it's something that I haven't fully let go of. I'm really not sure. But I'm scared.
Letting go isn't something im very good at doing. And a lot of times, it's not something that I want to do. ): sigh.
Oh well. I don't really know the point of this post, but at this moment I'm just having a bit of a ramble.
Going to have to wake up tomorrow and start on work.
Sidenote: I saw a quote from the book: "Quiet." Lol. It was interesting because that book reminded me of some things.
I hope that your week is going to be really great.
xx,
Start.
Sunday, October 19, 2014 @ 6:06 AM with
3 months literally just flew by like. O.o
Haha. It was just a while back before I blogged about my 3rd week and it's already the 3rd month.
School is starting tomorrow. And I'm really going to miss internship. It was the first time that I felt that I was really able to use my strengths and I didn't feel like a burden or a weak link there. I felt that I was just really in the process of learning and being useful.
It's the official start of FYP tomorrow. The last lap and the project I've been both looking forward to yet dreading for the last 2 years of my poly life.
I knew I couldn't run away from it. But now with so many more things to take seriously, I don't even know where to start. Or if pulling up my GPA enough to go to uni is even an option at this point. Or should I just start finding jobs.
Growing up is so hard. ):
All the responsibilities are really just piling up and coming at me. I'm not prepared for this. Haha.
Sigh. Oh well. I'm just going to have to take it as it goes and continue trusting. Here's a picture of me and Max ft my reaction to school starting tomorrow.
Week 3 of Internship!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014 @ 3:18 AM with
Hellooooooooooooo lovelies!
I remember how before I started internship I was frantically googling how internship at certain companies would be like. At I couldn't find much info on it because I guess no one blogged about it or whatever, so. yeah.
But here I am! I actually wanted to write this ages ago but I kept having crowds and crowds of customers but today seems like a pretty nice and quiet evening so yay.
For those of you who do not know, I'm interning at this place called SUPERMAMA. We're located at 30A Seah Street and 8 Queen Street and soon at the Singapore Art Museum. It's been 3 weeks so far, and I'm really thankful that it's been going ok. I dare not really say that it's going very well because I have made mistakes here and there and I'm still in the process of bonding and what not, because idk, I personally find it hard when I mix work and friends together, but the people here are all really really nice people. Very patient and kind, you feel very at ease when you're with them.
So far I've been doing quite a lot of shopkeeping, and TRUST me, its not as easy as everyone thinks. There are ALWAYS things to do. Be it cleaning up, counting the money, serving customers, and everything, but I really enjoy meeting new and interesting people from here and also other parts of the world. I've also been designing and everything, and yeah, it's just really nice here.
So yes, internship has been really nice.
I also had the nicest weekend in a really long time, and for quite a bit of nice food on National Day (after work) with awesome people. :3
Yupp. Ok. That's about all I can think about right about now. I'm gonna head back to work.
xx,
"LETS DO A QUIZ TOGETHER CARISSA. RIGHT NOW." - Leanna
Monday, August 4, 2014 @ 8:04 PM with
Survey #146 : ABC
A
How artistic are you?
Like a potato. Lol. No. I'm a failed designer friend I'm sorry.
Do you want to go to Africa?
Er. To see the animals I guess.
AC/DC or Aerosmith?
Does AC stand for Air Conditioner? If so I prefer AC pls.
Do you know what Armenia is?
No?
B
What’s your beer of choice (if any)?
(There is none)
Do you know the title of Buffalo Springfield’s one-hit wonder?
I suddenly visualized buffalo wings. LOL. With the sweet and sour sauce. Mmmmmmm.
Do you have a brother? (Do you like it that way?)
Yes. (DO I HAVE A CHOICE?!)(nah. Yeah sure. He's ok)
Which bank do you use?
(Empty) piggy bank
C
Which comedian do you most enjoy?
Mine in particular.
Would you ever live in California?
For a while maybe.
Is it possible/likely that you’ll become a cat lady?
HAHAHAHAHA. I will visit the cat lady aka Leanna Emmanuel. I probably can't because I will die of my allergies to the fur.
How many different countries have visited?
Er. About 8? I think.
D
Do you believe there’s a devil?
Yes.
Does eating dessert often make you feel guilty?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO.
Can you legally drive?
No.
What have you been diagnosed with (if you don’t mind sharing)?
Um. Idk. The normal stuff?
E
How often do you drink energy drinks?
If I see an interesting flavour.
Where did you live when you were 11 years old?
At home. Literally.
Do you like the actor who played Edward Scissorhands in that movie?
Sure.
Have you ever felt an earthquake?
My stomach.
F
When was the last time you saw your father one-on-one?
Er. 30mins ago.
Do you think French is the most beautiful language?
I can't understand it. ._. I think beautiful languages are the ones you can understand.
Is Friday your favorite day of the week?
Not really. I prefer Saturdays I guess.
Have you listened to Jimi’s song ‘Fire?’
No.
G
Do you have real gold jewelry?
probably. Not that I wear it. Haha.
How often do you watch ‘Gossip Girl’?
LOL. I watch it on the plane.
Is Google your homepage?
I use chrome. So.
Do you like Geico’s commercials?
Who?
H
When did you last feel happy?
When I had sashimi. :3
Do you prefer Hollister, Hot Topic, or H&M?
I've only been to H&M, so no choice there.
Did you dress up last Halloween?
No.
Would you voluntarily watch the History Channel?
LOL. Depending on the programme.
I
Have you ever been on an island?
Singapore is an island isn't it.
Would you be able to locate Indonesia on a globe?
Ya. LOL.
Do you know if Iceland or Greenland has more ice?
Iceland has like. The word ice. So like. Doesn't that OBviOUSLYYY mean that it has ice like DUHHHHHHH. (I'm kidding. I know it's Greenland)
Did you watch the last presidential inauguration?
Nopeeee.
J
Do you enjoy jogging?
People who do, are weird.
On which instrument could you most easily play ‘Jingle Bells’?
Lol. Probably the electone.
How much do you know about John Lennon?
Nothif much.
Do you know how Jell-O is made?
Go watch a YouTube video.
I'm more curious about how tubby custard is made.
K
Have you tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts? (Was it love at first bite?)
Yes. I think it's overrated.
Are you very afraid of North Korea?
LOL. What kinda question is this.
How many pairs of khaki pants do you own?
None??
Have you ever been a fan of the Killers?
The WHO? They dont sound too nice people to be fans of.
L
Does it bother you when couples are lovey-dovey in public?
HAHAHA. I guess. A little. Like. Just don't block the way pls.
Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)?
Nah. (Becwuse I can borrow stuff like that?)
In how many languages (besides English) can you count to 100?
Chinese.
What’s your favorite lollipop flavor?
Strawberry or raspberry.
M
Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)?
Yes. Because THERE CAN BE MIRACLES WHEN YOU BELIEVEEEEEE.
What do you think of shows like Maury and Jerry Springer?
Who?
Do you care that Mars (the candy co.) uses deadly animal testing?
I didn't know that.
How did you form your opinion of marijuana?
Um. Idk. Never really had one.
N
How often do you sleep naked?
Literally never.
Do you actually check the Nutrition Facts before eating something?
No. You can say I'm pretty badass.
Who is your favorite musical artist/band beginning with
‘N’?
No one comes to mind
How nerdy are you (in what ways)?
HAHAHA. Not as bad as #leannleard.
O
What do you think about olives?
I don't like olives.
Are you much of an outdoorsy person?
I like to go out and eat. And I do love looking at nature and all that stuff. Just don't make me exercise. That ruins everything.
How big of an Oprah fan are you?
Id be a bigger fan if she gave me money. Lol.
How often do you shop online?
I look at stuff a lot, but I rarely buy anything because I am peasant.
P
Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it?
No such prom. Secondary no prom, poly, no prom. Although I think there's dinner and dance...idk if I'll go for that. Haha.
How are your local policemen?
LOL. All the good looking ones go on crime watch and the rest stay on the streets. But they are good I guess.
What is your ideal PB&J sandwich like?
With no peanut butter.
ALTHOGH almond butter jelly sandwitches are DABOMB.
What do you think of the movie ‘Pineapple Express’?
What are these Weird movies you keep asking me about.
Q
How true is the saying, ‘quitters never win and winners never quit’?
But what if the winner quit after he won does that make him a winner or a quitter #DEEEEEEPPPP.
Do you prefer Quiznos or Subway and why?
Subway, because there Is no such Quiznos here.
Have you learned the quadratic formula yet? (Do you remember it?)
LOL. ummmm. Is it the x= -b +- square root of b2-4ac everything over 2a? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE I REMEMBER. HAHA. EVEIDENTLY MY MATH IS BRILLIANT.
What is the one question you most want to ask someone and who?
Mmmmmm. Right now I can't think of any. Shows that I don't question many things really.
R
How many rooms are in your home?
5.
Do you like raspberries?
YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. ERMAHGERD RASPBERRIESSSSSSSS.
What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm?
sleeping in. Hahaha. Having no school.
Have you actually read Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’?
Not exactly.
S
Do you know any Sign Language?
I know how to do my name in sign language!! (Such narcissistic)
What is your sleeping schedule generally like?
Mmm. It used to be like. 3-8. Then 1ish-8. Now it's back to normal like. 12-830. YAY sleep.
How well do you sing?
Not terribly, but not great either.
How often do you listen to 60-70’s music?
I listen to whatever is nice. And I don't really know when half of my music came out so. Maybe?
T
What do you think of Twitter?
#people #talking #to #themselves.
How much do you value the Ten Commandments?
LOL. Yeah I follow them.
Are there many trees where you live?
yes.
How much taller/shorter do you wish to be?
I'm happy with my height. :3
U
Where do you usually buy your underwear?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THIS.
How do you define ‘ugly’?
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW WHERE I BUY MY UNDERWEAR. Actually maybe not. Idk. I need a reference.
Do you like to shop at Urban Outfitters?
Online browse. Because there is no physical urban outfitters here and I have no money.
V
Would you like being described as ‘voluptuous’?
That's basically calling me sexy. Who doesn't wanna be called sexy. Yeah sure. I think theo James is freaking sexy btw.
For listening to music, do you like to crank up the volume or keep it calm?
Mostly crank up the volume.
Do you ever watch the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show?
HAHA. ya. Sometimes.
Would you agree that ‘variety is the spice of life’?
Sure.
W
Are you currently on wireless Internet?
LOL. WHO ISNT.
Can you recall memories of learning how to whistle?
YES! It was when I was like 5 or something and then I just did it and I was like OMG LOOK MUMMY I DID A WHISTLE. Or was that me winking....ok maybe I can't remember.
Do you go to White Castle or just vicariously through ‘Harold & Kumar’?
WHO?! Where is this Harold & Kumar. LOL.
Have you gone to Washington, D.C.? Did you like it? (OR-do you want to go?)
Nope. And yeah sure. I wouldn't mind going.
X
Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results?
FOR POLY ENTRY. LOL. The health screening test. The results were normal.
When it comes to ‘xoxo’, do you interpret ‘x’ as the hug or the kiss?
Da kissy. (LOL DICTIONARY AUTOCORRECTED IT TO KIASU) (ONE X NOT ENOUGH AH)
What does X stand for in Roman numerals? Can you write the previous number?
IDK. no I can't.
Why do you think xylophones are only popular with young children?
LOL. Excuuuuuse me. I like my xylophones too thank you very much. But mostly because they are usually colorful and make light tingly sounds that sound nice even if you don't have any musical sense what so ever. Then they just sound like windchimes.
Y
Can you explain the meaning of the yin-yang symbol?
It is the good in the bad and the bad in the good. #ommmmmmmmmmmm
Do people more often mistake you as being younger or older than you are?
Older I guess. IT HAS COME TO THIS. ):
Did you know that yawning is contagious?
Did you know that when you read the word yawn it will also cause you to yawn?
Would you like a bottle of Yoo-Hoo or it’s not really your thing?
WHAT IS A BOTTLE OF YOO-HOO. I NEED TO GOOGLE THIS BRB.
LOL it is a chocolate drink.
And yes please I would like a bottle of yoo-HOO.
Z
How many places’ zip codes do you know by heart?
Only my own....? Maybe Leann's because I write to her and stuff.
What comes to mind when I say ‘Zero to Hero’?
HERCULES. TELL ME YOU THOUGHT OF HERCULES.
Yay! It is the end of the quiz. Sorry my previous post was so emo. Haha. I feel like this site is turning into some. Carissadoesquizesandtestsandshit.bs.com.
But anw!
Leanna did the same quiz, so here's the link to go check out her answers and things if it interests you and so you can see how (not) similar we are.
http://back-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/post/93789954179/survey-146-abc
xx,
Encountering God at #Creation15.
Sunday, July 19, 2015 @ 10:41 PM with
I believe I encountered God during WORD/Creation Rally 2015.
My first experience with Creation Rally was in 2013. As someone who connects with lyrics of songs and just loves music in general, I enjoyed all the songs that were sung,played and just the general atmosphere of worshipping God with many other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I told myself that I would be back for the next one for sure.
I'm not too sure why I didn't go for #Creation14, I didn't hear any news about it at all, but I was happy when I finally heard about Creation 15. I would finally get to go for hours of singing with cool music and dancing, PLUS, no 1 hour sermons!! (Yay!)
It also helped that the team for #Creation15 were great in building up the hype by organizing visits to the church, doing workshops like word X, plus as a design student, I could appreciate the typography and graphics on all the ads and slides which were #OnPOINT.
When the day of WORD came, I woke up and found myself in an great state of pain as my ongoing problem of chronic stomach pains came back to me, and my clumsy self seemed to have hit my head on the wall in the middle of my sleep. (I still don't know how it happened.) It was quite bad ; I couldn't walk properly and I was feeling nauseous the entire morning/afternoon. I was confined to my room, thus having to miss WORD usher duty, but by 5pm, I was able to stand and a (literally) hobbled to the bus stop and made my way to Calvary Baptist from the East. (Talk about walking the road to Calvary. Gosh, our God has a wonderful sense of humor. (: ) I just really didn't want to miss WORD.
The set started great, and I even managed to stand up for majority of the first set and briefly wave my hands around during the fast songs.
My encounter started during the message shared by Pastor Philip.
The parts of the message that spoke to me was:
1. Don't say you want the will of God, and then take one step back.
Sometimes the will of God starts speaking to you in an inaudible voice, and then as it slowly gets louder, you realize you can use the excuse of "I think I hear wrongly" because you aren't comfortable with what God is asking you to do. I found myself reflecting if I was reading the bible intentionally or if I was afraid to do so, in case I was going to hear God's instructions which I didn't want to follow. Was I going against what I said I wanted for my life?
2. God has a SPECIFIC design and purpose for you.
"I want you to circle the word SPECIFIC" said Pastor Philip.
At this point in my life where I've been sharing with multiple people how I am completely lost and without any confidence on my next milestone in life, I was reminded again that God made my exactly the way I was and gave me the exact talents and gifts he did, so that I could serve him TOTALLY.
"Talents and gifts will not make ANY spiritual impact" unless it is used for God. What kind of impact was I making? None at all? Temporary kinds of the world? Eternal ones for God's glory?
3. A person used by God puts God's call above self limitations.
I'm so thankful for this apt reminder because despite all my failings, disobedience, struggles and sins, God will decided to encourage me with this point and used it to remind me of His love for me. That despite my weakness, I could always find strength and refuge in him. I could approach him for forgiveness no matter how many times or how broken a state I am in each time.
"In my weaknesses you are my confidence" those were the lyrics that rang loud in my head as we got to the last few songs of the night. I am overwhelmed with the measure of God's grace, love and mercy for me that he would choose to remind me of his love in my time of need.
As we got to the alter call of the night, I told myself that I didn't want to go up, because early this year, I already rededicated my life and service for God. I told myself I didn't want to go up because I didn't want to "lose the meaning of rededication", when in actual fact, it was my pride stopping me from responding.
As Pastor Philip was calling for the different groups of people to step out, each time I would be like "nope. Not me not me not me." , "nope. I don't need to go up. I can pray it right here." And the best part was when Pastor added the last call along the lines of "for those who want to hear God's voice but you need to overcome a temptation. You need to guard your heart." By that moment, I was already in tears because of my conviction that it was exactly what I needed to confess and repent from, but I still refused to step out.
"That's not me. I'm not facing any temptation. If I step out, it means I'm admitting that my struggle is wrong. But it's not wrong! It's not me. He's talking about all those other people stepping out. You see? It can't be me."
But yet, finally, just as Pastor Philip was about to start praying, he gave the option to "raise your hands" as he prays if you need that prayer.
How amazing God's love, that he wants everyone to respond!
I saw that as my window of opportunity and took the physically tiniest step, but emotionally largest jump I have ever taken, from my seat, and raised my hand as high as it would go, without attracting any attention to myself, thus confessing that I was indeed one of the people that needed prayer.
I never went out on stage that night. My alter call happened right at my seat.
I was never comfortable with the phrase "encountering God". I've always been associating it with HUGE and dramatic events and large signs. I imagined encountering God as Him coming into my body and filling me with the spirit so I could miraculously understand Greek, finally pass my Chinese exams, or I would see visions and pictures of what my future would look like or I would hear God's voice "Carissa, you are going to marry ______. Go and find him now, he is in ________". I would be healed from my stomach ache, I would feel INVINCIBLE and SOAR on the wings of Eagles which were now my feet!
Yeah. But, none of that happened.
I left the church, stomach still uncomfortable, a clear reminder of how weak and helpless I was without God, but a renewed hope and call to obey and respond to God.
"A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17
My encounter with God was nothing like my expectations, but everything I needed to hear. God gave us the most powerful gift, of free will, and unless we put down our pride and respond in obedience, we can't blame God for not speaking to us.
I'm thankful for my experience in WORD, the promptings I received that night, the opportunites that came after so that I could apply what I said I would do, and most of all I'm thankful that I am on a journey and have a relationship, with a God such as mine.
xx,
Marathons.
Sunday, June 28, 2015 @ 10:29 AM with
ITS BEEN LIKE. MONTHS SINCE MY FYP WAS OVER AND GUESS WHO GRADUATED?? YAS ME. THANK YOU GOD.
Haha. Hello lovlies. I'm back. (:
Well. Not sure how long "me being back" will last, but I figured if I do get into the course I applied for, I'm going to have to do A LOT of brushing up on my writing. So I guess I should get to doing it now huh?
But then again, I do enjoy this space just being a place that I get to ramble and visualize my thoughts as and when I like.
It's been months since I graduated and as of then it's been a pretty eventful month of June. Well. Not exactly productive, but other than mission trips and family trips, the most recent thing I've been doing? Marathoning...White Collar.
The conclusion? The ending is good. I did spoil it for myself by skipping episodes and reading what happened in the end because I heard that the ending was the kind that I really dislike. But in the end it wasn't, so. Well. If I knew that, I would have watched it till the end. But Idefinitely recommend "White Collar" to anyone who wants a good crime series to watch (after Mentalist. It's still my fave.)
But seriously, after this whole series? My Matt Bomer obsession is back.
LIKE. CAN WE JUST.
I CANNOT. OK.
It's slightly better now that I've ended the series and I don't see his face for like more than 8 hours in a row being extremely attractive and intelligent and whatever. But still.
Fangirl moment over. I'm back.
I've also decided that I'm going to be putting more effort into my BTT. lol. It's been ages since I even bothered studying but I really wanna learn how to drive and I'm just going to have to find some motivation to study again, even if it's something as "simple" as BTT.
Yeahhh.
I'm going to end this whole post with a really short quiz. (:
1. Are you a very open or private person?
I'd like to think I'm a pretty open person and i enjoy having HTHTs with anyone I can talk to but that is in no way a measure of the closeness to the person. To (shamefully) quote thought catalogue, "the weirdest mix of super private and an open book that you'll ever meet."
2. What is your favourite Christmas movie?
I'm honestly not sure what counts as a Christmas movie and I don't think I have a favourite.
3. When did you stop believing in Santa?
I never did. Well. I did always know there was this Saint Nicholas or something but other than that, Singapore never had a roof for him to squeeze though and give me presents, so...
4. What do you get complimented on the most?
My friendliness probably.
5. How are you feeling right now?
Moderately sleepy. It's 230am.
6. If money was no object, where would you move to?
A bigger house with lots of animals and a swimming pool.
7. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Ummm. This is really irrelevant because I cry way too freaking easily. Probably someone I had a Htht with. I can't keep track.
8. Did you make any resolutions for this year? What were they?
Yes. To do 3 push ups. LOL. How embarrassing.
9. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
Errrrrr. Whatever song is the most relevant to me at that moment. A lot of songs have brought me to tears before.
10. Who was the last person you talked about sex with?
Probably Leanna. I can't rememeber.
11. How did you bring in the New Year?
This new year...was spent with my youth group. (:
12. Have you ever online dated?
Nope.
13. Post a screen shot of your Twitter “Interactions” page.
14. Click on the messages tab on Facebook, post a screen shot (erase surnames for safety).
15. Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page.
16. Do you believe in soul mates?
Following that definition, yes. I do.
17. Do you play video games?Yupps!
18. What age do people usually mistake you for?
Errrr. 22?
19. What or whom do you miss right now?
A lot of people. And also I miss eating good sushi. I really like sushi
20. What perfume do you wear?
I don't. I usually just shower and smell like Carissa. (I'm quoting friends) although sometimes I spray VS perfume on my clothes just so I can use it up but I don't wear it out.
Ok! Yay! End of quiz. Gonna sleep now.
Night lovelies!
xx,
2 more weeks.
Thursday, February 12, 2015 @ 9:14 AM with
Visualizing myself on the soft grass,
above me, the blue skySurrounded by flowers, the small soft ones that tickle your feet.
The smell of cookies. The smell of water. The smell of happiness.
Imagining myself submitting everything, ending that final presentation with a thank you.
I can finally breathe.
I am free.
xx,
Sunday, January 25, 2015 @ 11:36 AM with
Hello everyone, I haven't written in forever.
F Y P.
These three letters when put together has been something that I've never wanted and always wondered how I was going to face it.
I knew the minute I entered this course, that I would have to face it but it's crazy how fast time flies by, and before you know it, it's exactly a month to my submission.
I know God has seen me through these 2 years, and I still cling on to the belief that I was put here for a reason, and that one month more is more than possible for God to see me through, as is everything else.
But it's some nights like these where there's this feeling of like. Worry and maybe even helplessness just seem to overcalm me and I just feel so alone, empty and tired.
Don't get me wrong, I'm aware im not alone, I know that I have amazing people who would be there both physically and emotionally there for me in a heartbeat, I know that I shouldn't feel empty but idk. ): I don't know why I'm feeling this way. And I don't like it.
I guess. Maybe there's some hinderance or blockage that is stopping me. Or maybe it's something that I haven't fully let go of. I'm really not sure. But I'm scared.
Letting go isn't something im very good at doing. And a lot of times, it's not something that I want to do. ): sigh.
Oh well. I don't really know the point of this post, but at this moment I'm just having a bit of a ramble.
Going to have to wake up tomorrow and start on work.
Sidenote: I saw a quote from the book: "Quiet." Lol. It was interesting because that book reminded me of some things.
I hope that your week is going to be really great.
xx,
Start.
Sunday, October 19, 2014 @ 6:06 AM with
3 months literally just flew by like. O.o
Haha. It was just a while back before I blogged about my 3rd week and it's already the 3rd month.
School is starting tomorrow. And I'm really going to miss internship. It was the first time that I felt that I was really able to use my strengths and I didn't feel like a burden or a weak link there. I felt that I was just really in the process of learning and being useful.
It's the official start of FYP tomorrow. The last lap and the project I've been both looking forward to yet dreading for the last 2 years of my poly life.
I knew I couldn't run away from it. But now with so many more things to take seriously, I don't even know where to start. Or if pulling up my GPA enough to go to uni is even an option at this point. Or should I just start finding jobs.
Growing up is so hard. ):
All the responsibilities are really just piling up and coming at me. I'm not prepared for this. Haha.
Sigh. Oh well. I'm just going to have to take it as it goes and continue trusting. Here's a picture of me and Max ft my reaction to school starting tomorrow.
Week 3 of Internship!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014 @ 3:18 AM with
Hellooooooooooooo lovelies!
I remember how before I started internship I was frantically googling how internship at certain companies would be like. At I couldn't find much info on it because I guess no one blogged about it or whatever, so. yeah.
But here I am! I actually wanted to write this ages ago but I kept having crowds and crowds of customers but today seems like a pretty nice and quiet evening so yay.
For those of you who do not know, I'm interning at this place called SUPERMAMA. We're located at 30A Seah Street and 8 Queen Street and soon at the Singapore Art Museum. It's been 3 weeks so far, and I'm really thankful that it's been going ok. I dare not really say that it's going very well because I have made mistakes here and there and I'm still in the process of bonding and what not, because idk, I personally find it hard when I mix work and friends together, but the people here are all really really nice people. Very patient and kind, you feel very at ease when you're with them.
So far I've been doing quite a lot of shopkeeping, and TRUST me, its not as easy as everyone thinks. There are ALWAYS things to do. Be it cleaning up, counting the money, serving customers, and everything, but I really enjoy meeting new and interesting people from here and also other parts of the world. I've also been designing and everything, and yeah, it's just really nice here.
So yes, internship has been really nice.
I also had the nicest weekend in a really long time, and for quite a bit of nice food on National Day (after work) with awesome people. :3
Yupp. Ok. That's about all I can think about right about now. I'm gonna head back to work.
xx,
"LETS DO A QUIZ TOGETHER CARISSA. RIGHT NOW." - Leanna
Monday, August 4, 2014 @ 8:04 PM with
Survey #146 : ABC
A
How artistic are you?
Like a potato. Lol. No. I'm a failed designer friend I'm sorry.
Do you want to go to Africa?
Er. To see the animals I guess.
AC/DC or Aerosmith?
Does AC stand for Air Conditioner? If so I prefer AC pls.
Do you know what Armenia is?
No?
B
What’s your beer of choice (if any)?
(There is none)
Do you know the title of Buffalo Springfield’s one-hit wonder?
I suddenly visualized buffalo wings. LOL. With the sweet and sour sauce. Mmmmmmm.
Do you have a brother? (Do you like it that way?)
Yes. (DO I HAVE A CHOICE?!)(nah. Yeah sure. He's ok)
Which bank do you use?
(Empty) piggy bank
C
Which comedian do you most enjoy?
Mine in particular.
Would you ever live in California?
For a while maybe.
Is it possible/likely that you’ll become a cat lady?
HAHAHAHAHA. I will visit the cat lady aka Leanna Emmanuel. I probably can't because I will die of my allergies to the fur.
How many different countries have visited?
Er. About 8? I think.
D
Do you believe there’s a devil?
Yes.
Does eating dessert often make you feel guilty?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO.
Can you legally drive?
No.
What have you been diagnosed with (if you don’t mind sharing)?
Um. Idk. The normal stuff?
E
How often do you drink energy drinks?
If I see an interesting flavour.
Where did you live when you were 11 years old?
At home. Literally.
Do you like the actor who played Edward Scissorhands in that movie?
Sure.
Have you ever felt an earthquake?
My stomach.
F
When was the last time you saw your father one-on-one?
Er. 30mins ago.
Do you think French is the most beautiful language?
I can't understand it. ._. I think beautiful languages are the ones you can understand.
Is Friday your favorite day of the week?
Not really. I prefer Saturdays I guess.
Have you listened to Jimi’s song ‘Fire?’
No.
G
Do you have real gold jewelry?
probably. Not that I wear it. Haha.
How often do you watch ‘Gossip Girl’?
LOL. I watch it on the plane.
Is Google your homepage?
I use chrome. So.
Do you like Geico’s commercials?
Who?
H
When did you last feel happy?
When I had sashimi. :3
Do you prefer Hollister, Hot Topic, or H&M?
I've only been to H&M, so no choice there.
Did you dress up last Halloween?
No.
Would you voluntarily watch the History Channel?
LOL. Depending on the programme.
I
Have you ever been on an island?
Singapore is an island isn't it.
Would you be able to locate Indonesia on a globe?
Ya. LOL.
Do you know if Iceland or Greenland has more ice?
Iceland has like. The word ice. So like. Doesn't that OBviOUSLYYY mean that it has ice like DUHHHHHHH. (I'm kidding. I know it's Greenland)
Did you watch the last presidential inauguration?
Nopeeee.
J
Do you enjoy jogging?
People who do, are weird.
On which instrument could you most easily play ‘Jingle Bells’?
Lol. Probably the electone.
How much do you know about John Lennon?
Nothif much.
Do you know how Jell-O is made?
Go watch a YouTube video.
I'm more curious about how tubby custard is made.
K
Have you tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts? (Was it love at first bite?)
Yes. I think it's overrated.
Are you very afraid of North Korea?
LOL. What kinda question is this.
How many pairs of khaki pants do you own?
None??
Have you ever been a fan of the Killers?
The WHO? They dont sound too nice people to be fans of.
L
Does it bother you when couples are lovey-dovey in public?
HAHAHA. I guess. A little. Like. Just don't block the way pls.
Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)?
Nah. (Becwuse I can borrow stuff like that?)
In how many languages (besides English) can you count to 100?
Chinese.
What’s your favorite lollipop flavor?
Strawberry or raspberry.
M
Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)?
Yes. Because THERE CAN BE MIRACLES WHEN YOU BELIEVEEEEEE.
What do you think of shows like Maury and Jerry Springer?
Who?
Do you care that Mars (the candy co.) uses deadly animal testing?
I didn't know that.
How did you form your opinion of marijuana?
Um. Idk. Never really had one.
N
How often do you sleep naked?
Literally never.
Do you actually check the Nutrition Facts before eating something?
No. You can say I'm pretty badass.
Who is your favorite musical artist/band beginning with
‘N’?
No one comes to mind
How nerdy are you (in what ways)?
HAHAHA. Not as bad as #leannleard.
O
What do you think about olives?
I don't like olives.
Are you much of an outdoorsy person?
I like to go out and eat. And I do love looking at nature and all that stuff. Just don't make me exercise. That ruins everything.
How big of an Oprah fan are you?
Id be a bigger fan if she gave me money. Lol.
How often do you shop online?
I look at stuff a lot, but I rarely buy anything because I am peasant.
P
Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it?
No such prom. Secondary no prom, poly, no prom. Although I think there's dinner and dance...idk if I'll go for that. Haha.
How are your local policemen?
LOL. All the good looking ones go on crime watch and the rest stay on the streets. But they are good I guess.
What is your ideal PB&J sandwich like?
With no peanut butter.
ALTHOGH almond butter jelly sandwitches are DABOMB.
What do you think of the movie ‘Pineapple Express’?
What are these Weird movies you keep asking me about.
Q
How true is the saying, ‘quitters never win and winners never quit’?
But what if the winner quit after he won does that make him a winner or a quitter #DEEEEEEPPPP.
Do you prefer Quiznos or Subway and why?
Subway, because there Is no such Quiznos here.
Have you learned the quadratic formula yet? (Do you remember it?)
LOL. ummmm. Is it the x= -b +- square root of b2-4ac everything over 2a? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE I REMEMBER. HAHA. EVEIDENTLY MY MATH IS BRILLIANT.
What is the one question you most want to ask someone and who?
Mmmmmm. Right now I can't think of any. Shows that I don't question many things really.
R
How many rooms are in your home?
5.
Do you like raspberries?
YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. ERMAHGERD RASPBERRIESSSSSSSS.
What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm?
sleeping in. Hahaha. Having no school.
Have you actually read Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo & Juliet’?
Not exactly.
S
Do you know any Sign Language?
I know how to do my name in sign language!! (Such narcissistic)
What is your sleeping schedule generally like?
Mmm. It used to be like. 3-8. Then 1ish-8. Now it's back to normal like. 12-830. YAY sleep.
How well do you sing?
Not terribly, but not great either.
How often do you listen to 60-70’s music?
I listen to whatever is nice. And I don't really know when half of my music came out so. Maybe?
T
What do you think of Twitter?
#people #talking #to #themselves.
How much do you value the Ten Commandments?
LOL. Yeah I follow them.
Are there many trees where you live?
yes.
How much taller/shorter do you wish to be?
I'm happy with my height. :3
U
Where do you usually buy your underwear?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THIS.
How do you define ‘ugly’?
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW WHERE I BUY MY UNDERWEAR. Actually maybe not. Idk. I need a reference.
Do you like to shop at Urban Outfitters?
Online browse. Because there is no physical urban outfitters here and I have no money.
V
Would you like being described as ‘voluptuous’?
That's basically calling me sexy. Who doesn't wanna be called sexy. Yeah sure. I think theo James is freaking sexy btw.
For listening to music, do you like to crank up the volume or keep it calm?
Mostly crank up the volume.
Do you ever watch the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show?
HAHA. ya. Sometimes.
Would you agree that ‘variety is the spice of life’?
Sure.
W
Are you currently on wireless Internet?
LOL. WHO ISNT.
Can you recall memories of learning how to whistle?
YES! It was when I was like 5 or something and then I just did it and I was like OMG LOOK MUMMY I DID A WHISTLE. Or was that me winking....ok maybe I can't remember.
Do you go to White Castle or just vicariously through ‘Harold & Kumar’?
WHO?! Where is this Harold & Kumar. LOL.
Have you gone to Washington, D.C.? Did you like it? (OR-do you want to go?)
Nope. And yeah sure. I wouldn't mind going.
X
Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results?
FOR POLY ENTRY. LOL. The health screening test. The results were normal.
When it comes to ‘xoxo’, do you interpret ‘x’ as the hug or the kiss?
Da kissy. (LOL DICTIONARY AUTOCORRECTED IT TO KIASU) (ONE X NOT ENOUGH AH)
What does X stand for in Roman numerals? Can you write the previous number?
IDK. no I can't.
Why do you think xylophones are only popular with young children?
LOL. Excuuuuuse me. I like my xylophones too thank you very much. But mostly because they are usually colorful and make light tingly sounds that sound nice even if you don't have any musical sense what so ever. Then they just sound like windchimes.
Y
Can you explain the meaning of the yin-yang symbol?
It is the good in the bad and the bad in the good. #ommmmmmmmmmmm
Do people more often mistake you as being younger or older than you are?
Older I guess. IT HAS COME TO THIS. ):
Did you know that yawning is contagious?
Did you know that when you read the word yawn it will also cause you to yawn?
Would you like a bottle of Yoo-Hoo or it’s not really your thing?
WHAT IS A BOTTLE OF YOO-HOO. I NEED TO GOOGLE THIS BRB.
LOL it is a chocolate drink.
And yes please I would like a bottle of yoo-HOO.
Z
How many places’ zip codes do you know by heart?
Only my own....? Maybe Leann's because I write to her and stuff.
What comes to mind when I say ‘Zero to Hero’?
HERCULES. TELL ME YOU THOUGHT OF HERCULES.
Yay! It is the end of the quiz. Sorry my previous post was so emo. Haha. I feel like this site is turning into some. Carissadoesquizesandtestsandshit.bs.com.
But anw!
Leanna did the same quiz, so here's the link to go check out her answers and things if it interests you and so you can see how (not) similar we are.
http://back-to-hogwarts.tumblr.com/post/93789954179/survey-146-abc
xx,
