Euphoria .

Wednesday, November 27, 2013 @ 6:20 AM with 0 comment(s)

Trusting someone is scary stuff.

Because you don't know how genuine they are.

It's scary because if you trust someone and you find out that it's all a lie, that they were gossiping behind your back, that there were things about you which they actually find irritating and annoying but pretended to like, that at the back if their mind they smirked at your flaws which you genuinely thought they accepted. When you find out all the moments you spent together were forced out of a motive, be it to their gain or out of pity.

I'm not saying this because I have done it before. But I've seen this happening to others around me. Where they gossip about each other and yet act so openly and friendly around that person.

And some days, you just can't imagine how anyone can accept you for who you are.

I hate being insecure. It kills you and the relationships around you.

Insecurity forces you to have the second thought before starting that conversation.

Before opening up. It forces you to doubt the most innocent intentions. It causes you to overthink.

I'm just scared ok? I'm just scared of getting hurt by people who mean the world to me. By people who give me happiness, but afraid that I can't give that back to them, even worse am causing them the exact opposite. I'm scared of finding out that what causes the happiness was all a lie. The people I love and treasure are all just. Not really there. That it's all a mask.

I'm sorry. I'm just really overwhelmed by emotions now. It's been a long day and hormones are high. I've been seeing too many of these kind of things and I'm just tired.

And I'm sorry if you feel like this post refers to you, because this really isn't to anyone in particular.

I honestly do treasure each and every relationship I have, and I hope you believe that.

xx,

3 more days.

Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 11:40 AM with 0 comment(s)

Hello Lovlies!

So YES, I know I was suppose to post and blog about my outings during the holidays which I should have plenty of time to do, but I'm sorry, I just haven't had the discipline to sit down and do a proper post. And technically, I shouldn't be using time now because I actually am having a high fever now but amazingly I am still slightly awake.

First of all, let's do a short sum up of the people I went out with this holiday ok?

Went Strictly with my favorite weird besf.

Finally met up with "my" two dudes after forever.

And I met Nela from Designeros!! (:

Then I went to USS with JANJAN!!!! <3 OMG best outing to USS ever. Tried so many rides. Haha. Transformers was the best I think.

Oh. And we had yoghurt. (:

Yay!

Then I spent the day with my xiaogu. ;3 family dates are always fun.

And then I met up with Leann went to a Japanese Buffet!!! My stomach wasn't feeling too well today. And I wasn't able to eat a lot. ): but it was still fun going out with her. :3

Yupp, told you it was going to be short. haha. It's crazy la. Like. close to 2 months and I only met up with a few groups of people. What even right..

I really wanted to go to my class chalet too, but I came down with a really high fever of 38.7. Ugh. No wonder I wanted to die otw back.

But yeah.

Secondly, I was actually looking around in my lappy for a bunch of questions/quizzes that I saved somewhere.But in the end I just found certain convos from the past which I saved and it made me really sad. ):

So I think it's safer to search for some in my Handphone.

I found a 40 questions thing which seems really interesting and so yupp. Read on for more facts you may or may not already know.

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

Oh my gosh I have so many movies that I love. But they are all DIsney movies though. And they all have that small romantic element in it because I'm a hopeless romantic that way.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

It hasn't happened yet. But I'm sure when it does (if it does. LOL.), it's gonna be perfect and well worth waiting for. (:

3: Talk about the person for which you've had the most intense romantic feelings.

Haha. Gosh. This is such a horrible question to answer in public like that because like. I can't say everything or people's impression of me will change completely because I will go all hardcore cheesy.

But um. I know for sure that love isn't a feeling. And so I assume romantic feelings is like. Those butterflies in your stomach, or just smiling uncontrollably when you're with the person or even just when he starts the conversation first. So um. To talk about that person.

Idk. I'm just so thankful for him and I'm the happiest when I'm with him.

I saw this quote. and I edited certain parts which I disagreed with but this is generally what I hope to have. Of cuz there's other stuff. But. Yeah.

“How To Tell If Somebody Loves You:

Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!

Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.

Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.

Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is love.

Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.

Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given time. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.

Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.”

- Ryan O’Connell

Yeah.

With him. I feel loved.

And I don't really know what else anyone could ask for. (:

And I really hope this lasts.

I'm praying it does.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I did a post on that before. So i shan't answer it again.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.

I actually cannot remember any worst or best birthdays because each birthday is usually a great one. (:

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

Wow. Um.

The first thing that came to mind was my physical body. My legs and arms and eyebags and everything. But I think that it's not my biggest. My biggest insecurity is the fact that i may be replaced and I'm just not good enough for anyone to want around for a long time. And that there are so many people who are more interesting and beautiful and better this me, less broken, more confident. And that how my insecurity may come across as clingy not just in terms of boy girl relationships but friendships too. It's tiring being around insecure people. I understand that. But i don't want to be the one who people just give up on because it's too tiring to keep reassuring them. I tend to overthink about not being good enough for people to want around and I'm just really clingy. ):

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

I got over my irritation of crying babies on the bus. I'm SO proud of myself for that.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

Haha. This is pretty hard.

Mm. I like how my eyes are brown. And the matching mole I have with my brother. How my top row of teeth are rather straight and most importantly, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made by God. (And that's not really a little thing.)

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.

I don't really remember stuff like that. But it's probably with my mum. Haha.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Oh oh. I had those. Continuation dreams kinda thing. And I was on an adventure and there were all the people I loved. That was a really good dream.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.

Idk. Probably something disgusting or about someone dying. I still remember this nightmare I had when I was 4/5. Where my hamster was on a speedboat with me and it fell off and drowned and then a lot of other people on the boat died. And then my parents fell off too. Then I woke up crying. Lol.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex.

It'll be after marriage.

14: Talk about a vacation.

I went to New Zealand and it was a really fun vacation and I would do it again in a heartbeat. (: (also because the guy I had a crush on at that time was there with me and like omg I got to stay with him under the same roof for 2 weeks. Haha!!!)

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

2012. Where I learn the most about myself, about God, what it meant to be broken, what it meant to be happy, what it meant to be sad, what it meant to persevere. What it meant to think you were in love, and what it meant to realise that sometimes the people who love you most were beside you all along and there really wasn't a need to look further.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.

I don't go to parties much so like. I can't answer this. Though there were a few parties like the ones by YanYi.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Ryan Higa. He seems like a really nice and genuine person and someone who's just really quirky and fun to be around. Omg. And Bethany Mota. She seems like the sweetest person ever. Id love to be friends with her.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I got closer to three of the most important people in my life, Leanna, Celia and Janelle.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

This is secondary school right? I was depressed and stuff and I did majority of the things which I regretted during this period. Basically a period of my life id like to forget. But it was also during this time that I met more really important people in my life and because of that, I would go through it all over again. (:

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

I found out what it meant to belong and bond to a class.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

Can I not. ):

22: Talk about your worst fear.

Being replaced. As seen above.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Um...during a audition? Haha. Oh. Or during that period where I applied so many times to try and get into vet. :/

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

There are so many. Like. Literally so many from so many different people. I can't just choose one. But I'll show you a screenshot of one.

(: I still smile and get that warm fuzzy feeling each time I read it. Haha. And there's all those other ones which are in letters and stuff which if I take a picture of id have to blank out the whole thing.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.

Sleep. Eat. Get really clingy and needy. Haha. Not good.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.

I think dimples are adorable.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

HAHA NOH.

29: Talk about what turns you on.

A genuine smile, nice voice, and if you handle animals well. And if you can sing and play the guitar. If you're nice to me and get my jokes and if you're funny. And like. I always found something extremely attractive about guys who enjoy serving God.

30: Talk about what turns you off.

People who swear a lot and are proud. Like. No. Stay away from me.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Depends on where you're going after.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

Escape theme park! Used to go there a lot.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

Cry. And eat chocolate and ice creams and then I feel guilty and cry somemore and then I play the guitar and then I find someone like my mum to cuddle and cry until I feel better. Haha.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.

My liquid nitrogen treatment for the warts under my foot. ):

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

Lying.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

Um. Splurging on expensive fattening food.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

It made me realise what I should look out for and avoid in a future partner, so I'm still glad I met him.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

A lot leh. Haha. I can't think of any at the moment.

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.

That I didn't need to worry so much about a lot of things that I did.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

Ummm. End of secondary school. It was a bitter sweet moment.

Yupp! That's about it I think. Haha.

I'm gonna go get some rest now. My headache is coming back. Hopefully I get better soon.

Take care lovelies. Blog again soon!

xx,

Viva La Vida.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013 @ 9:39 AM with 0 comment(s)

Haha. I found this picture amusing, because I just had a conversation about it today and just as I was tumblr-ing, this picture appeared on my dashboard.

The reason for the conversation? Today's weather was 'cuddle weather', and for those of us 'single people', join the club and call it sweater weather.

As for me, I also like to call it 'hot chocolate weather'. Although everyday is a good day for hot chocolate, but it's this kind of nice cooling weather where it's perfect for hot chocolate and marshmellows. /Swoon/ Or a hot cup of tea a a good book. How quaint.

The holidays have just been flying by like idek what. Can't believe it's already been almost 2 whole weeks of holidays gone. Needless to say, I've done nothing related to school. I've been catching up on the good things in life, like Mentalist Season 5, Pet Time (I'd say petting (get it. Pets. Petting ehehehehe. >:) There's actually a show about pet care called heavy petting. And it's hosted by a hot girl. Just saying. ) , but lets keep this PG and stuff.), and eating. A lot.

I totally want to try baking and cooking a whole lot of stuff. But meh. Can't do it as I please cuz I gotta wait for the right time. (: haha it's more fun when it's the right time anyways.

I'm TRYING to do bits of exercise. Like. Um. Walking. And. Bending down to pick up the remote. Stuff like that. Yeah. Keeping fit.

Oh. And I'm also playing for worship this Sunday excited yet nervous for it as it's my first time. The thing is, I'm so used to just playing block chords, I can't imagine having to hear 30mins of block chords throughout the entire worship. Ugh. So I've been practicing a lot for that. Somehow it doesn't seem to sound as nice as I hoped and I have to keep remembering that I'm playing for God and not just my reputation in church. Idk. Using a gift to serve God isn't exactly the easiest thing to do especially when you're not extremely gifted in it, if you know what I mean.

I don't really know what the point of this blog post is really, I'm just really happy that my holidays are here. I've got a whole lot of meet ups and outings installed this week, so I'm gonna be blogging about that.

Ok! Shall stop rambling here. I'd love to start another 10 Day Challenge thing, so if you see any, do let me know. (:

Have a wonderful week ahead, lovelies!

xx,

I hope it lasts beyond whenever too.

Monday, September 2, 2013 @ 10:25 AM with 0 comment(s)

HELLO EVERYONE! (:

IT'S FINALLY THE HOLIDAYS!!! \o/

So it officially started on Friday, where my final submission was handed in. So technically, it started on Sunday.

And so far, I have to say that I am loving my holidays.

Sunday:

MY THREADLESS SHIRTS CAME OMG. I was so excited. Although I ordered them like. 1 or 2 sizes too small for my liking, it's still really nice and I'm really exited to wear all those shirts. :3

In the afternoon, I went to Bugis plus with my family and I tried out the super chilled milk tea from Crystal Jade. OMG IT IS SO GOOD AND PRETTY I CAN'T EVEN. In fact, it's so good that I'm going again this Thursday with my aunt. :3 excited.

Oh. And after taking a 2 months plus break from this game, I went a little crazy and just started playing. My mum said I was sad because I had to play with bots and not real people. ): I agree. Haha.

MONDAY:

Ok. So. I knew Monday was going to be great before it even began, but. I think. It turned out better than I ever hoped. Haha.

So. First up. I made breakfast! Eggs and cheese. Omnomnom.

And then I watched "wreck it Ralph". BEST. SHOW. OF. 2012. EVER.

I cried quite bad when it was the ending cuz the script was so amazingly good and it was so sweet and I was just like. OMG. :3 yeah. I loved it. I'd replay this whole movie experience over and over. And! It was all in the comfort of my own home. Where I had the discussion on why that is a good thing cuz we get stuff like toilet breaks and our own snacks. Haha.

And yeah. Monday ended.

Perfectly.

I'm still a little dazed from everything that happened. But yeah. (: I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Oh. And I got to catch up with my darling , Leann. (:

Here's to tomorrow being just as great. I hope your holidays are going just as well lovelies!

xx,

Almost There.

Monday, August 26, 2013 @ 12:01 PM with 0 comment(s)

I like this poem. And I think it's really pretty. (:

Anyways!

Hello lovely people. Sorry I haven't been blogging. Been really busy with everything in school.

So it's almost 3am now and I just wanted to do a really short update while waiting for my paint to dry.

I'm so very thankful that I got to finish my model, although, please remind me NEVER to work with white again. I'm dying trying to keep it looking good. Like seriously. It's SO difficult for someone especially like me who usually doesn't give 2 bothers about being careful with my stuff. ugh.

Now I'm just left with my P Board and my DMF file where I have to find like 500 pages of reference for shiz. sigh. Kay la. Spamming should be pretty easy. Lol.

I do wish there was someone tangible to keep me company on nights like this. I mean. my parents and all are asleep, and all my classmates have each other right now because they are all tonn-ing at Baq's house, and of course, I have God and the radio to keep me company, but still. It would be nice cause, people are just visual creatures, I guess. I know I am.

meh. Maybe I'll make do with Luna and Astraeus. (:

P3 ENDS TOMORROW YAY.

xx,

10 Day Blog Challenge: Day 10!

Saturday, August 10, 2013 @ 7:35 AM with 0 comment(s)

(Ok. idk WHY whenever I post from my iPhone it always fails. ): Sorry!)

1 Confession

I wrote a pretty personal 'Dear Future Boyfriend..." note. And. I think this counts as a confession because. er. I didn't show this to anyone? So like. It kinda counts as revealing a secret. right? Right. So um. ah. You'll understand. From this note, it pretty much shows and tells a lot of things. so...just read on to understand.

Dear Future Boyfriend,

There are so many things that I will tell you in person, but this I will say here.

I hope that you will realize that whatever I did in the past, the letters that I wrote, the feelings I thought were love but ended up to be nothing compared to what I feel when I’m with you, everything, that it won’t affect how I feel towards you now. I don’t know if you will have a past either. But I hope that I’ll be able to accept yours the way you’ll be able to accept mine.

I think I speak for people who have been in more than one relationship when I say this. That not all of us are privileged to meet the right one on the first try. Although I have never had a boyfriend before (as of now) , I sure hope that I’m going to be one of the few who get it right the first time around. But I do know, that I don’t fall often, and when I do, I fall hard. As cheesy as it is, I hope you’ll be there to catch me.

I may get jealous, you would probably know that I get slightly insecure around girls prettier and smarter then me, and maybe you will too, but I hope that it won’t be in relation to the people of the past, because, I know that when it comes to relationships, the only time you should look back, is to not make the same mistakes again. Other than that, there’s no point looking back, just looking at the present and looking forward.

There are so many more things to say to you, but I’ll reserve that for when we meet face to face.

I don’t know if I’ve met you yet, I don’t know if I am confidant enough to say “I hope I’ve already met you” or “I hope you’re who I think you are.”, because who other than God knows the future?

But this I know for sure, when I say yes to becoming your girlfriend, you can be sure it’s because the only person I can see, is you.

Love, Me.

Ok. That was literally the most embarrassing thing I had to proof read. You have to understand I'm a hopeless romantic and just die when I read cute things or see cute movie, but when I actually find myself saying them, or receiving them, I just freeze and don't know how to react at all.

We're not going to touch on this topic of relationships or crushes until much (much much much much much much) further notice. haha. Yupp. I don't know how this will go. But tomorrow is Thursday, so, I'm excited. (:

-

Ok. You know what. I decided that since this thing is uploaded late, I might as well do a short update on what has happened the past few days of my holiday. Wednesday was great. Like. I went to a church chalet thing and got to catch up with all my friends there. And also the army guys got to book out early, so that was really awesome. (: Well. Thursday...I don't exactly remember what I did...
Nope. I can't remember what I did right now.
OH WELL. Then let's skip to Friday. (:

Friday was National Day, and also one of the best national days I ever had. (:
It started off with breakfast, and I had one of THE best cereal in the entire world.

Yupp! MARSHMELLOW PEBBLE CEREAL OMGGGGG. I love this like. you don't even understand. [heart shape]

And then , I went to collect a race pack, and got ICE CREAM. :3

Cheesecake Ice Cream with Oreo and Graham Cracker bits from Marble Slab Creamery. Yupp. (: Although I think, the company made it taste better. ;) I always liked Ice Cream from creamery. I think it's because you get to mix whatever stuff you want inside. I just wish it wasn't so crazy expensive.

And then the rest of the day was just really well spent too. Shan't go into too much detail cuz well. I wouldn't want to bore you. :3
But just know that it was pretty amazing.

Yupp.

Oh, and remember what I said at the top about "You have to understand I'm a hopeless romantic and just die when I read cute things or see cute movie, but when I actually find myself saying them, or receiving them, I just freeze and don't know how to react at all." Uhuh. That.
Yupp.
It happened.
But, GAHHHH. :3 I just stared at it for the next 5mins just. idk.
It's a nice kinda thing to be confused about I think.

Not looking forward to this next 2 weeks, but. I will do it.
JY Carissa.

xx,

10 Day Blog Challenge: Day 9

Tuesday, August 6, 2013 @ 10:33 AM with 0 comment(s)

2 Smileys that describe your life right now

Yes, I know this is very much overdue, but not like you've been checking everyday for an update right? pssh. (If you have, I'm sorry. /gives virtual hug/ )

1. :((((((((((((((( (That's sad Carissa with her 4358 extra chins)

Ugh. P3 Submission is in less than 2 weeks. Thank God I've got an approval so far. Now it's just the irritating part of sketching and doing shiz I should have done way in advance. hastag afi. Also, I gained back my 3kg out of the 5kg which I lost during a period of time. Sighhhhh. ): I thought I was on my way to loosing weight, but nnuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I had to gain it back again. I don't really know. It's not like I've been cutting down on food or eating extra or anything. or maybe it's just subconscious loss or gain of appetite. sigh. Oh well.

2. :] (That's my hopeful smile)

Because along with all this nonsense, there's still a whole lot of good things like, my CAID-ing done, and modelling and stuff. Well. most of it. still need to make edits and stuff but it's ok. And also, my weekend came earlyyyyyyyy. :3 And with national day, and the national day spirit and what not coming around, blablablaaaaa. yeah. It should be a pretty good week. Have a whole lot of nice stuff lined up this short holiday. Tomorrow's Church event, Thursdays Family outing and Friday's National Day with special people. (: Although, yes. I'm gonna have to complete the report which is due this Monday.

Next week is gonna be pretty hard, with certain things coming and important things being affected by certain circumstances, but it's not all that bad I guess, cuz like, I'll prob have to focus and chiong by next week.

But till then, let's just focus on the now.

And now means, time to sleep and wake up early tomorrow morning to start work. Oh the lies I tell myself such as "By tonight I will finish 15 sketches!" How many did I do? 2. HAHA. CARISSA YOU JOKE.

Ok. bai

xx,

Overthinking kills.